"I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."

God,

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"I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."

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"I have only ever made one prayer to God, a very short one: O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it."

Voltaire, French Writer

God, Enemies, Prayer

"Call it Nature, Fate, Fortune; all these are names of the one and selfsame God."

Seneca, Roman Philosopher

God, Nature, Fate, Fortune

"God is a metaphor for that which trancends all levels of intellectual thought. It's as simple as that."

Joseph Campbell, American Author

God, Thought, Metaphor

"Sometimes I wonder why God ever trusts talent in the hands of women, they usually make such an infernal mess of it. I think He must do it as a sort of ghastly joke."

Willa Cather, American Author

God, Women, Talent, Wonder

"Teach him to think for himself? Oh, my God, teach him rather to think like other people!"

Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, English Author

God,

"I may be as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best."

Walt Whitman, American Poet

God, May

"I say to mankind, Be not curious about God. For I, who am curious about each, am not curious about God - I hear and behold God in every object, yet understand God not in the least."

Walt Whitman, American Poet

God, Mankind

"I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best."

Walt Whitman, American Poet

God,

"God is the universal substance in existing things. He comprises all things. He is the fountain of all being. In Him exists everything that is."

Seneca, Roman Philosopher

God, Being, Statesman

"Happy is he who has gained the wealth of divine thoughts, wretched is he whose beliefs about the gods are dark."

Empedocles, Greek Philosopher

God, Gods, Thoughts, Wealth, Beliefs

Explore more quotes by Joan Rivers

"A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp."

Man

"The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found."

Beauty

"Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds."

Food

"I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'"

Mother

"Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be."

Will

"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."

Life

"Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too."

History

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Exlpore more God quotes

"I have only ever made one prayer to God, a very short one: O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it."

"Call it Nature, Fate, Fortune; all these are names of the one and selfsame God."

"God is a metaphor for that which trancends all levels of intellectual thought. It's as simple as that."

"Sometimes I wonder why God ever trusts talent in the hands of women, they usually make such an infernal mess of it. I think He must do it as a sort of ghastly joke."

"Teach him to think for himself? Oh, my God, teach him rather to think like other people!"

"I may be as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best."

"I say to mankind, Be not curious about God. For I, who am curious about each, am not curious about God - I hear and behold God in every object, yet understand God not in the least."

"I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best."

"God is the universal substance in existing things. He comprises all things. He is the fountain of all being. In Him exists everything that is."

"Happy is he who has gained the wealth of divine thoughts, wretched is he whose beliefs about the gods are dark."

Explore more quotes by Joan Rivers

"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."

"Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer."

"It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom."

"A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp."

"The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found."

"Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds."

"I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'"

"Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be."

"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."

"Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too."