"I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."

God,

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"I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."

Exlpore more God quotes

"God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal."

Samuel Butler, British Poet

God, Work

"An omnipotent God is the only being with no reason to lie."

Mason Cooley, American Writer

God, Lie, Being, Reason

"Small amounts of philosophy lead to atheism, but larger amounts bring us back to God."

Francis Bacon, English Philosopher

God, Atheism, Philosophy

"God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best."

Voltaire, French Writer

God,

"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him."

Voltaire, French Writer

God,

"The reader becomes God, for all textual purposes. I see your eyes glazing over, so I'll hush."

David Foster Wallace, American Writer

God, Eyes

"It is quite true, as some poets said, that the God who created man must have had a sinister sense of humor, creating him a reasonable being, yet forcing him to take this ridiculous posture, and driving him with blind craving for this ridiculous performance."

David Herbert Lawrence, English Writer

God, Humor, Performance, Being

"Charity never humiliated him who profited from it, nor ever bound him by the chains of gratitude, since it was not to him but to God that the gift was made."

Antoine de Saint-Exupery, French Novelist

God, Gratitude, Charity

"God's dice always have a lucky roll."

Sophocles, Greek Poet

God,

"I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best."

Walt Whitman, American Poet

God,

Explore more quotes by Joan Rivers

"My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash."

Dumb

"It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who."

Sex

"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."

Time

"A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp."

Man

"Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise."

Advice

"I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking."

Saying

"Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top."

Oil

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Exlpore more God quotes

"God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal."

"An omnipotent God is the only being with no reason to lie."

"Small amounts of philosophy lead to atheism, but larger amounts bring us back to God."

"God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best."

"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him."

"The reader becomes God, for all textual purposes. I see your eyes glazing over, so I'll hush."

"It is quite true, as some poets said, that the God who created man must have had a sinister sense of humor, creating him a reasonable being, yet forcing him to take this ridiculous posture, and driving him with blind craving for this ridiculous performance."

"Charity never humiliated him who profited from it, nor ever bound him by the chains of gratitude, since it was not to him but to God that the gift was made."

"God's dice always have a lucky roll."

"I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best."

Explore more quotes by Joan Rivers

"My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash."

"It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who."

"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."

"A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp."

"Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds."

"Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you."

"Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too."

"Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise."

"I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking."

"Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top."