"Last good pratfall I did, I broke bones in both hands. I still feel it when people shake my hand."

"I watched every single Charlie Chaplin film."

"A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me."

"I have three daughters. I wanted them to be raised where there are real seasons and where everyone their age wasn't trying to get into movies."

"If you're in the White House, it's your house, and you can invite whatever friend you want."

"Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish."

"I just went into this business for laughs. I guess I don't mind being an actor so much now."

"The fact was, Ford kept stumbling around. I didn't want him in the White House. I wanted Carter in, and I had a forum of 20 million people watching."

"With Clinton, there's no question that I would have made fun of his out-and-out lying. But he's also a good friend."

"The best comedy I ever did was when people didn't know who I was."

"I made about 28 movies, and I think about five of them were good."

"There are very few solid family films. A lot of the writing is awful."

"All my children inherited perfect pitch."

"It took me 20 years of making movies to learn how to do it."

"The first thing that happens is that you're overwhelmed by so much attention. It's just so unnatural. Only people who've been in that position can realize what it's like. I mean, you have to be there."

"I learned a lot about handling fans from established stars."

"Once I got married and had kids, I moved away from romantic roles, because it seemed wrong to have my 3-year-old wondering why Daddy was kissing someone else."

"I don't know if my looks will ever get any better, but my pratfalls sure won't."

"We never could have performed live for an hour and a half every week if we were doing drugs."

"I was always the guy getting kicked out of my classes at school for having an attitude problem."

"It's never a good idea for a celebrity to sign autographs or take pictures if a crowd is gathering."

"You may have read that I went to M.I.T. In 1982 I filled out a Who's Who survey with joking responses, and they never bothered to check the facts."

"I think the Clintons are brilliant. I've never met a person as intelligent as Bill, and I think Hillary is right up there with him. They're too smart for Washington."

"Every Vacation movie didn't just make the studio money. They each made the studio a lot of money."

"Television doesn't make stars. It's the written media, the press, that makes stars."

"I tell the person I won't take a picture or sign the autograph, but I will shake their hand. That kind of personal touch is all they're really seeking."

"They can't make any of these talented young actors Fletch. You might as well make a movie called Chevy Chase."