"The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever."

"Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out."

"I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl."

"No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism."

"If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house."

"I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time."