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"My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality."
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"I have 20,000 girlfriends, all around the world."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If you don't have a valentine, hang out with your girlfriends, don't go looking for someone. When it's right, they'll come to you."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Appearance is something you should definitely consider when you're going out. Have your girlfriend clip your nails or something like that."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When we meet, I'm interested and I'm curious about what he's doing because he's burning a number from a client. And I'm like, 'Who is this?' and my girlfriend's like, 'That's a drug dealer. Stay away from him.'"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I like being scared every now and then, I like the suspense and the thrills. Nothing like taking a girlfriend to a movie and holding her hand while she jumps."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We're getting ready to take over the world. My group of girlfriends - we're renegades."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I couldn't feel good about myself hanging out in Armani clothes when my girlfriend can't even pay her heating bill. I'd feel foul and I'd be embarrassed."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes.""
Author Name
Personal Development
"Directors are never in short supply of girlfriends."
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Personal Development
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"People read me but they don't subscribe."
People
"I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger."
Home
"I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time."
Time
"A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked."
Information
"After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride."
Cause
"I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me."
Identity
"My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings."
Father
"I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world."
End
"My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese."
Family
"At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?"
Country
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