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"If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins."
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"I've spent, I think, close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold."
Gold,
"A man that hoards up riches and enjoys them not, is like an ass that carries gold and eats thistles."
"Because, you know, resilience - if you think of it in terms of the Gold Rush, then you'd be pretty depressed right now because the last nugget of gold would be gone. But the good thing is, with innovation, there isn't a last nugget. Every new thing creates two new questions and two new opportunities."
"Exhaust the little moment. Soon it dies. And be it gash or gold it will not come Again in this identical guise."
"You know, of course, the specimens are not alive. We have to fix them in a fixing liquid formaldehyde and then we have to do a rinsing and then we have to coat them in a thin layer of gold."
Gold,
"Most orgies that you go to, I have found, most of it is sad. All that wildness, all those laughs were like the shining silver and gold paper on packages, but there was nothing inside."
"If I never sang on a record again I can still look at my walls. They are covered floor to ceiling with gold and platinum records from all over the world."
Explore more quotes by Patton Oswalt
"Yeah, there were a few years in the early nineties where I really began to hate what was valued as funny and just sort of what was valued in stand-up, period."
"I mean, the death in the late eighties and early nineties really shook out a lot of hacks. The pond just sort of dried up for a lot of really bad comedians."
"I think I realized it was an art form at the beginning, but it took me a really long time before I was able to view what I was performing myself as an art form."
"90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on."
"I've hung out in the writer's room a few times, but the fact is we've got such a good writing staff, I don't want to get my peanut butter fingerprints on anything."
"George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil."
"I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out if me with steel pipes."
"I have some shorter stories coming out in other books early next year. I might be pitching a re-vamp of Ghost Rider in the spring. We'll see."
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