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"If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins."
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"The battles that count aren't the ones for gold medals. The struggles within yourself - the invisible, inevitable battles inside all of us - that's where it's at."
Gold,
"I say, if you believe what you read in the comic strips, then you believe that mice run around with little gold buttons on their red pants and drive cars."
Gold,
"I've spent, I think, close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold."
Gold,
"You do not boo an Olympic Gold Medalist. I'm the best in the world. I came here for you. You dont' boo me."
"Mystery is a resource, like coal or gold, and its preservation is a fine thing."
"You know, of course, the specimens are not alive. We have to fix them in a fixing liquid formaldehyde and then we have to do a rinsing and then we have to coat them in a thin layer of gold."
Gold,
Explore more quotes by Patton Oswalt
"I mean, all alternative comedy is are comedians that have being doing it for so long, for so long, that they were relaxed enough to start becoming personal on stage."
"I mean, the death in the late eighties and early nineties really shook out a lot of hacks. The pond just sort of dried up for a lot of really bad comedians."
"I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out if me with steel pipes."
"I think I realized it was an art form at the beginning, but it took me a really long time before I was able to view what I was performing myself as an art form."
"90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on."
"I have some shorter stories coming out in other books early next year. I might be pitching a re-vamp of Ghost Rider in the spring. We'll see."
"Yeah, there were a few years in the early nineties where I really began to hate what was valued as funny and just sort of what was valued in stand-up, period."
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