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Patton Oswalt

"If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins."

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"If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins."

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Akiroq Brost

"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."

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Akiroq Brost

"The only way I'm going to win a Gold Glove is with a can of spray paint."

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Akiroq Brost

"Frank Marth also played many characters with us, and like George Petrie, he was worth his weight in gold."

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Akiroq Brost

"I have my gold forever and no one can ever take it away from me."

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Akiroq Brost

"There is never enough gold to redeem all the currency in circulation."

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Akiroq Brost

"A gold book, fastened together in the shape of a book by wires of the same metal, had been dug up in the northern part of the state of New York, and along with the book an enormous pair of gold spectacles!"

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Akiroq Brost

"Gold and silver, like other commodities, have an intrinsic value, which is not arbitrary, but is dependent on their scarcity, the quantity of labour bestowed in procuring them, and the value of the capital employed in the mines which produce them."

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Akiroq Brost

"There is no brilliant single stroke that is going to transform the water into wine or straw into gold."

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Akiroq Brost

"Outside came in '60. The Edge in '61. All three made Gold, but the biggest seller was Inside."

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Akiroq Brost

"Praise, like gold and diamonds, owes its value only to its scarcity."

Explore more quotes by Patton Oswalt

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Patton Oswalt
"George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil."
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"I've hung out in the writer's room a few times, but the fact is we've got such a good writing staff, I don't want to get my peanut butter fingerprints on anything."
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Patton Oswalt
"I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do."
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Patton Oswalt
"I mean, the death in the late eighties and early nineties really shook out a lot of hacks. The pond just sort of dried up for a lot of really bad comedians."
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Patton Oswalt
"I think I realized it was an art form at the beginning, but it took me a really long time before I was able to view what I was performing myself as an art form."
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Patton Oswalt
"90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on."
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Patton Oswalt
"Yeah, there were a few years in the early nineties where I really began to hate what was valued as funny and just sort of what was valued in stand-up, period."
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Patton Oswalt
"I hate all sidekicks."
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Patton Oswalt
"I mean, all alternative comedy is are comedians that have being doing it for so long, for so long, that they were relaxed enough to start becoming personal on stage."
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Patton Oswalt
"It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now."
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