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Quotes by Comedian
"I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe it would be fun occasionally. It's hard for me to have fun and I'm a serious thinker and a searcher and funny from the front."
45
"My brothers can be a little out of control sometimes and so somebody has to be able to keep them focused."
45
"Paul is Starsky, and I met him before shooting. He was very kind and encouraged us to go with what we wanted to do. It was very sweet to see them back with the car after 25 years."
45
"Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive."
45
"Cleveland is my hometown, and the Indians have a narrow but rich history."
45
"There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't."
45
"Sore loser? You bet your fuckin' ass! What on earth is wrong with being a sore loser? It shows you cared about whatever the contest was in the first place. Fuck losing graciously-that's for chumps. And losers, by the way."
45
"Television is a medium because anything well done is rare."
45
"Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows."
45
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
45
"We all know how 'modern democracies take loaves from the wealthy.' It's the slipups in the 'pass them out to the poor' department that inspire a study of Economics."
45
"After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year."
Time,
45
"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."
45
"You give the guy an Image Award three years in a row and then turn on him like that? If that's the role they want to fulfill, they need to send a clearer message."
45
"The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so."
45
"But in the right-wing media, they do have a right-wing bias. And they also have an agenda. So their agenda is: we're an adjunct of the Republican Party, and we're going push that agenda every day, and, as you say, brand these stories that help further the right-wing cause."
45
"Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on."
45
"And what's interesting about him as a comic character is that the custard pie hardly ever ends up on his face."
45
"Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire."
45
"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper."
45
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
45
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
45
"I, of course, wanted to do something with Drew Barrymore. Please. So we were reading scripts back and forth and then we found this script, Fever Pitch."
44
"It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy."
44
"Saturday Night Live is such a comedy boot camp in a way, because you get to work with so many different people who come in to host the show and you get thrown into so many situations and learn how to think on your feet, so filmmaking actually feels slow, in a good way."
44
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