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W. C. Fields

"All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women."

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"All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women."

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Amber Hurdle

"Sometimes we're so concerned about giving our children what we never had growing up, we neglect to give them what we did have growing up."

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Amber Hurdle

"And like that, I said goodbye to my grandmother like we were two people who met in a coffee shop, shared a lifetime of stories and left wanting more, but knowing we'd meet there again."

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Amber Hurdle

"What thumbsuckers we all are...when it comes to mothers."

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Amber Hurdle

"Of course there are mothers,squeezing their breastsdry, pawning their bodies,shedding teeth for their children,or that's our fond belief.But remember - Hanseland Gretel were dumped in the forestbecause their parents were starving."

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Amber Hurdle

"When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off.""

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Amber Hurdle

"Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk."

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Amber Hurdle

"One marvels why the middle classes still insist on so much discomfort for their children at such expense to themselves."

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Amber Hurdle

"Our parents can show us a lot of things: they can show us how we are to be and what things we ought to strive for, or they can show us how not to be and what things we ought to stray from, then you may have the kind of parents that show you all the things about you that you want to get rid of and you realize those traits aren't yours at all but are merely your parents' marks that have rubbed off onto you."

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Amber Hurdle

"There is only one mother in this world who is the best one, the one that every kid has got."

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Amber Hurdle

"Equal pay isn't just a women's issue; when women get equal pay, their family incomes rise and the whole family benefits."

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W. C. Fields
"Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia."
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W. C. Fields
"It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it."
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W. C. Fields
"The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep."
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W. C. Fields
"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water."
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W. C. Fields
"The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves."
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W. C. Fields
"Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream."
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W. C. Fields
"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water."
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W. C. Fields
"I never vote for anyone. I always vote against."
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W. C. Fields
"Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad."
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W. C. Fields
"Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again."
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