top of page
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
Standard
Customized
Exlpore more First quotes

"In the first place, Descartes stands for the most explicit and uncompromising dualism between mind and matter."

"If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe."

"A little simplification would be the first step toward rational living, I think."

"I think at the point when they were first starting to talk about a movie, it was a little bit different back then."

"Then when I got to Hollywood, the first musical I did was Festival in 1977."

"I had deeper, more reflective songs on the first album."
Explore more quotes by Emo Philips

"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."

"I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson."

"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."

"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."
bottom of page