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Quotes by Comedian
"I think most politicians could take a dodgeball in the face."
45
"Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you."
45
"I am always joking and always clowning, giving and helping."
45
"There are two kinds of light - the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures."
45
"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something."
45
"Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true."
45
"Nobody can stop you but you. And shame on you if you're the one who stops yourself."
45
"I like consistency. If you've had a childhood like mine, you want some things you can rely on to stay the same."
45
"My kids have a competitive drive I never had growing up."
45
"I would have to say loneliness is next to uncleanliness."
45
"I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison."
45
"What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong."
45
"Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders."
45
"One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness."
45
"I've done seven shows at the Palladium - long running shows I'm talking about."
45
"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."
45
"Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious."
45
"The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand."
45
"I never wanted to do political satire because it seems too surface to me."
45
"There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty."
45
"My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash."
Dumb,
45
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