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"Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going."
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"I am inclined to think that eating is a private thing and should be done alone, like other bodily functions."

"I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts."

"Zac Efron would make us feel guilty for eating big dinners. He'd say, "Do you really want to eat those carbs?" It was like, "Thanks a lot!""

"I never felt that getting angry would do you any good other than hurt your own digestion, keep you from eating, which I liked to do."

"He who looks in the crystal ball ends up eating glass... They're way, way close."

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."

"Lunch kills half of Paris, supper the other half."

"I am the one who got myself fat, who did all the eating. So I had to take full responsibility for it."

"You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar."
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"But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that."


"It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians."


"I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm."
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