"You know you're old if your walker has an airbag."

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"You know you're old if your walker has an airbag."

Exlpore more Old quotes

"You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of his holsters and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols and cartridges; the old ones, grub."

George Bernard Shaw, Irish Dramatist

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"We do not quit playing because we grow old, we grow old because we quit playing."

Oliver Wendell Holmes, American Writer

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"Old and young disbelieve one another's truths."

Mason Cooley, American Writer

Old,

"Old and young, we are all on our last cruise."

Robert Louis Stevenson, Scottish Writer

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"I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair."

Erma Bombeck, American Journalist

Old, Security

"A new philosophy generally means in practice the praise of some old vice."

Gilbert K. Chesterton, English Writer

Old, Philosophy, Practice, Praise

"The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

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"It is better to be young in your failures than old in your successes."

Flannery O'Connor, American Author

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"I've been performing on stage since I was six years old."

Jewel Kilcher, American Musician

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"I am too old for an eyebrow piercing but too young for an eyebrow lift."

Max Cannon, American Artist

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Explore more quotes by Phyllis Diller

"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home."

Home

"Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going."

Home

"You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type."

Blood

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."

Children

"There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto."

Money

"It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core."

Beauty

"I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away."

Sex

"The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you."

Reason

"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual."

Anger

"My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee."

Mother