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Phyllis Diller

"You know you're old if your walker has an airbag."

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"You know you're old if your walker has an airbag."

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Akiroq Brost

"The Ancient Mariner would not have taken so well if it had been called The Old Sailor."

Old,
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Akiroq Brost

"In our heads we're all about 33 years old."

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Akiroq Brost

"You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of his holsters and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols and cartridges; the old ones, grub."

Old,
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Akiroq Brost

"A new philosophy generally means in practice the praise of some old vice."

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Akiroq Brost

"It is only the modern that ever becomes old-fashioned."

Old,
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Akiroq Brost

"It is better to be young in your failures than old in your successes."

Old,
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Akiroq Brost

"We are who we're going to be when we're very old, and when we're very old we are who we were when we were 8."

Old,
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Akiroq Brost

"I put a Phrygian cap on the old dictionary."

Old,
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Akiroq Brost

"Every old poem is sacred."

Old,
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Akiroq Brost

"Old foxes want no tutors."

Explore more quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
"There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto."
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Phyllis Diller
"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."
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Phyllis Diller
"The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing."
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Phyllis Diller
"You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type."
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Phyllis Diller
"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."
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Phyllis Diller
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
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Phyllis Diller
"I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?"
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Phyllis Diller
"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."
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Phyllis Diller
"Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed."
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Phyllis Diller
"The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public."
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