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"Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral."
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Exlpore more Saying quotes
"I remember Mitch Miller saying every week, This rock and roll stuff will never last. But one doesn't like to bring that up to Mitch."
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Personal Development
"Ronald Reagan used to alarm his Soviet counterparts by saying that surely they'd both unite against an invasion from Mars."
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Personal Development
"Well, as I was saying... everyone's so nice to me, usually."
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Personal Development
"You cannot have your cake and eat it."
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Personal Development
"Poe's saying that a long poem is a sequence of short ones is perfectly just."
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Personal Development
"Fat is a way of saying no to powerlessness and self-denial."
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Personal Development
"Everyone has highs and lows that they have to learn from, but every morning I start off with a good head on my shoulders, saying to myself, 'It's going to be a good day!'."
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Personal Development
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
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Personal Development
"There's a saying among prospectors: 'Go out looking for one thing, and that's all you'll ever find.'"
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Personal Development
"If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done."
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Personal Development
Explore more quotes by Demetri Martin
"The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly."
Invention
"I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything."
Sports
"People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy."
Car
"I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'"
Cause
"I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!'"
Ability
"Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral."
Saying
"I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it."
Birthday
"I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs."
Time
"I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar."
Love
"The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."
Time
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