top of page
.png){kind=small}
"If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters."
Standard
Customized
Exlpore more Letters quotes
"After reviewing the polygraph charts in private, the polygraph examiner told me that I had passed and that he believed I had nothing to do with the anthrax letters."
"If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters."
"I like the storytelling and reading the letters, the long-distance dedications."
"I get about 25 letters a month, and I answer every one of them."
"I wish there was something that - I get all those wonderful letters and wonderful acknowledgments, and I wish I could be more appreciative of what I do. But it's hard for me."
"At present I answer about 100 letters a month, and read 300 emails."
Explore more quotes by Demetri Martin
"People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy."
"I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs."
"Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest."
"I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar."
"Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is."
"A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy."
"I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it."
bottom of page