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"If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'"
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"Big Brother is watching you."
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Personal Development
"Never give up your wife, husband, children and families. Believe that people can change. Give others opportunity to change."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Blessed is the womb that born you."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Until now, you have always lived your life alone. Every decision you've made has been for you and you alone. Now, and for the rest of your days, your life will be tied to another's. Every decision you make will be for both of you. What one does affects the other. You are a family, a team inseparable and unbreakable."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A rubber plant is just about the ideal family."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Father, I know you will hear me, I will speak."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When we sat down on the couch again, you curled up against my side, like you used to when you were a tod."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Children are angels."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was sixteen and my mother was about to throw me out of the house forever, for breaking a very big rule, even bigger than the forbidden books. The rule was not just No Sex, but definitely No Sex With Your Own Sex."
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Personal Development
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"I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together."
President
"Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling."
People
"Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist."
People
"The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house."
Job
"Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?"
Baby
"You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand."
Goal
"My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family."
Family
"It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old."
Old
"I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did."
Father
"What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do."
Thought
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