Humor Quotes | Beyond Motive 13/37

top of page

Humor Quotes

"A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life."

"A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life."

William Arthur Ward, American Writer

Humor, Life, Balance, Sense

2

"My dog can bark like a congressman, fetch like an aide, beg like a press secretary and play dead like a receptionist when the phone rings."

"My dog can bark like a congressman, fetch like an aide, beg like a press secretary and play dead like a receptionist when the phone rings."

Gerald B. H. Solomon, American Politician

Humor, Play, Press

2

"Stand-up comics reflect less of a visual humor and more of a commentary."

"Stand-up comics reflect less of a visual humor and more of a commentary."

Shel Silverstein, American Poet

2

"They certainly give very strange names to diseases."

"They certainly give very strange names to diseases."

Plato, Greek Philosopher

2

"He punched me. If that's his best punch, he'll be in trouble some day."

"He punched me. If that's his best punch, he'll be in trouble some day."

Patrick Roy, Canadian Athlete

Humor, Day, Trouble

2

"I would like to see anyone, prophet, king or God, convince a thousand cats to do the same thing at the same time."

"I would like to see anyone, prophet, king or God, convince a thousand cats to do the same thing at the same time."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Humor, Cats, Power, Leadership, Animals

2

"Too much coffee. Too much coffee and Gatorade. It's a hell of a mix. If you're ever tired in the morning, just try that mix, and tell me what you think."

"Too much coffee. Too much coffee and Gatorade. It's a hell of a mix. If you're ever tired in the morning, just try that mix, and tell me what you think."

Kevin Garnett, American Athlete

Humor, Coffee, Hell

2

"Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beat each other up."

"Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beat each other up."

Muhammad Ali, American Athlete

Humor, Men, Boxing

2

"Robert Walker as Bruno was excellent. He had elegance and humor, and the proper fondness for his mother."

"Robert Walker as Bruno was excellent. He had elegance and humor, and the proper fondness for his mother."

Patricia Highsmith, American Novelist

Humor, Mother, Elegance

2

"Tuck a buck as a puck of luck."

"Tuck a buck as a puck of luck."

Toba Beta, Indonesian Author

Humor, Happiness, Today, Inspirational, Wisdom

2

"That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you."

"That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you."

A. Whitney Brown, American Comedian

2

"He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea, and that was wrong."

"He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea, and that was wrong."

Benjamin Disraeli, British Statesman

Humor, Idea, Ignorance, Wrong

2

"It is characteristic of all deep human problems that they are not to be approached without some humor and some bewilderment."

"It is characteristic of all deep human problems that they are not to be approached without some humor and some bewilderment."

Freeman Dyson, American Physicist

Humor, Deep, Problems

2

"To call a man an animal is to flatter him; he's a machine, a walking dildo."

"To call a man an animal is to flatter him; he's a machine, a walking dildo."

Valerie Solanas, American Writer

Humor, Machine, Man, Walking

2

"Humor is such a wonderful thing, helping you realize what a fool you are but how beautiful that is at the same time."

"Humor is such a wonderful thing, helping you realize what a fool you are but how beautiful that is at the same time."

Lynda Barry, American Cartoonist

Humor, Time, Fool

2

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."

Dave Barry, American Journalist

Humor, Beer, Example, Water

2

"I mean, yeah, I'm sure that Python and the other things have paved the way for a greater understanding of the British sense of humor, but I don't think it's all that different than the American sense of humor."

"I mean, yeah, I'm sure that Python and the other things have paved the way for a greater understanding of the British sense of humor, but I don't think it's all that different than the American sense of humor."

Simon Pegg, British Comedian

Humor, American, Sense, Understanding

2

"I once knew a chap who had a system of just hanging the baby on the clothes line to dry and he was greatly admired by his fellow citizens for having discovered a wonderful innovation on changing a diaper."

"I once knew a chap who had a system of just hanging the baby on the clothes line to dry and he was greatly admired by his fellow citizens for having discovered a wonderful innovation on changing a diaper."

Damon Runyon, American Journalist

Humor, Baby, Clothes, Innovation

2

"Reply not to me with a fool-born jest."

"Reply not to me with a fool-born jest."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

Humor, Jest, Truth, Life

2

"I've included these little jokes and mysteries in my writing for the amusement of readers."

"I've included these little jokes and mysteries in my writing for the amusement of readers."

Armistead Maupin, American Novelist

Humor, Amusement, Jokes, Writing

2

"My husband says it is very good that I have very tiny feet, because they're easier to get in my mouth."

"My husband says it is very good that I have very tiny feet, because they're easier to get in my mouth."

Colleen McCullough, Australian Author

Humor, Husbfeet

2

"I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore. They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'"

"I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore. They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'"

Doug Coupland, Canadian Author

Humor, Clocks, Future, Right

2

"It's very hard to write humor."

"It's very hard to write humor."

Mark Strand, American Poet

2

"Charlie Chaplin's genius was in comedy. He has no sense of humor, particularly about himself."

"Charlie Chaplin's genius was in comedy. He has no sense of humor, particularly about himself."

Lita Grey Chaplin, American Actress

Humor, Genius, Comedy, Sense

2

"I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them cats."

"I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them cats."

Eckhart Tolle, German Author

Humor, Zen, Mindfulness, Animals

2

"This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. 'I never could get the hang of Thursdays."

"This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. 'I never could get the hang of Thursdays."

Douglas Adams, English Writer

Humor, Routine, Confusion, Time

2

"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton you may as well make it dance."

"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton you may as well make it dance."

George Bernard Shaw, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Family, Acceptance, Secrets, Life

2

"It wasn't that Nanny Ogg sang badly. It was just that she could hit notes which, when amplified by a tin bath half full of water, ceased to be sound and became some sort of invasive presence."

"It wasn't that Nanny Ogg sang badly. It was just that she could hit notes which, when amplified by a tin bath half full of water, ceased to be sound and became some sort of invasive presence."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Singing, Sound, Truth, Presence

2

"I'm pretty sure those're my balls you've found, I said to the man searching my pants. "You gonna count 'em out now? Because I'll save you the trouble. There's two."

"I'm pretty sure those're my balls you've found, I said to the man searching my pants. "You gonna count 'em out now? Because I'll save you the trouble. There's two."

Nenia Campbell, Swedish Musician

Humor, Identity, Confidence, Courage

2

"My sister has mistaken me for a mushroom. She keeps me in the dark and feeds me shit."

"My sister has mistaken me for a mushroom. She keeps me in the dark and feeds me shit."

George R. R. Martin, American Author

Humor, Isolation, Misunderstanding, Neglect

2

"Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad."

"Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad."

Leo Rosten, American Novelist

Humor, Babies, Dogs, Man

2

"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times."

"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times."

Everett Dirksen, American Politician

Humor, First, Man, Principles

2

"The only guaranteed way to be a genius is to surround yourself with idiots."

"The only guaranteed way to be a genius is to surround yourself with idiots."

Ziad K. Abdelnour, Lebanese Author

Humor, Genius, People, Irony

2

"You know what I should do?" Hoshino asked excited. "Of course," the cat said. "What'd I tell you? Cats know everything. Not like dogs."

"You know what I should do?" Hoshino asked excited. "Of course," the cat said. "What'd I tell you? Cats know everything. Not like dogs."

Haruki Murakami, Japanese Writer

Humor, Knowledge, Cats, Dogs

2

"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height."

"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height."

Casey Stengel, American Athlete

2

"Serve the dinner backward, do anything - but for goodness sake, do something weird."

"Serve the dinner backward, do anything - but for goodness sake, do something weird."

Elsa Maxwell, American Writer

Humor, Goodness

2

"Lesbian humor isn't trying to sell anything, it doesn't have to sell out. Coming out as a lesbian onstage is still a very political act; if it weren't, more women would do it."

"Lesbian humor isn't trying to sell anything, it doesn't have to sell out. Coming out as a lesbian onstage is still a very political act; if it weren't, more women would do it."

Kate Clinton, American Comedian

Humor, Women, Act, Lesbian

2

"No matter what time it is, wake me, even if it's in the middle of a Cabinet meeting."

"No matter what time it is, wake me, even if it's in the middle of a Cabinet meeting."

Ronald Reagan, American President

Humor, Time, Meeting

2

"Since when did psychiatry become one big, fat Myspace survey?"

"Since when did psychiatry become one big, fat Myspace survey?"

Nenia Campbell, Swedish Musician

Humor, Psychiatry, Modernity, Society

2

"And it really pisses Peter and Micky off when I get onto one of those tangents where I start to do humor."

"And it really pisses Peter and Micky off when I get onto one of those tangents where I start to do humor."

Davy Jones, English Musician

2

"Humor does not rescue us from unhappiness, but enables us to move back from it a little."

"Humor does not rescue us from unhappiness, but enables us to move back from it a little."

Mason Cooley, American Writer

Humor, Unhappiness

2

"Me and Matt love to argue, but in general our sense of humor is pretty much alike."

"Me and Matt love to argue, but in general our sense of humor is pretty much alike."

Trey Parker, American Artist

Humor, Love, Pretty, Sense

2

"Definition of the upper crust: A bunch of crumbs held together by dough."

"Definition of the upper crust: A bunch of crumbs held together by dough."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Society, Class

2

"The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word."

"The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, Beginning, Word

2

"Butt holes are like a one-way street, they were made the way they were for a reason."

"Butt holes are like a one-way street, they were made the way they were for a reason."

Nenia Campbell, Swedish Musician

Humor, Life, Lesson, Biology

2

"I just want to thank everyone who made this day necessary."

"I just want to thank everyone who made this day necessary."

Yogi Berra, American Athlete

Humor, Day, Want

2

"How hard can writing be? After all, most of the words are going to be 'and,' 'the,' and 'I,' and 'it,' and so on, and there's a huge number to choose from, so a lot of the work has been done for you."

"How hard can writing be? After all, most of the words are going to be 'and,' 'the,' and 'I,' and 'it,' and so on, and there's a huge number to choose from, so a lot of the work has been done for you."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Writing, Truth, Wisdom

2

"I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time."

"I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time."

Mark Twain, American Author

2

"He that has a great nose thinks everybody is speaking of it."

"He that has a great nose thinks everybody is speaking of it."

Thomas Fuller, English Clergyman

Humor, Vanity, Perception, Awareness

2

"The man who boasts he never made a mistake is often married to the woman who did."

"The man who boasts he never made a mistake is often married to the woman who did."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Mistake, Marriage, Life

2

bottom of page