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Humor Quotes
"And we mustn't lose our sense of humor," Mrs. Which said. "The only way to cope with something deadly serious is to try to treat it a little lightly."
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"I have my welcome mat turned around backwards so when people leave they think they're going to a better place."
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"The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have to shave twice a day."
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"Nice work," he said.I grinned."You look like hell, though," he noted."I doubt hell has this much Kool-Aid," I replied."
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"The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off."
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"I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees."
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"Edward smiled, I smiled, even Bernardo smiled. Olaf just looked sinister."
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"Sex is a three letter word even the worst speller in the world can spell."
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"If you like the lovable sound of an asthma attack in your ear every time you tell a joke."
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"Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse."
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"Humor is the affectionate communication of insight."
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"There are plastic bags with zippers on them. I've seen them in commercials, ' Dragos said to her. He snapped his fingers, trying to remember the name. 'You put food in them.'Ziploc bags?' she asked in a cautious voice.He pointed at her. 'Yes. I want one."
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"Throughout history, great leaders have known the power of humor."
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"Sure, the comedians who swear or use scatological humor can get laughs, but they're uncomfortable laughs."
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"I genuinely liked all of the cast members very much. Steve had a wicked sense of humor. I remember Russell coming to my rescue, once. I watched Eric evolve before everyone's eyes. Maurice loved what he did, so. He treated his character with respect, down to the costuming."
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"Even people that I agree with can do something that would be a target for a bit of humor."
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"If you do not apologize to Lady Honoria, Marcus said, his voice so mild as to be terrifying, "I will kill you.There was a collective gasp, and Daisy faked a swoon, sliding elegantly into Iris, who promptly stepped aside and let her hit the floor."Oh, come now, Mr. Grimston said. "Surely it won't come to pistols at dawn."I'm not talking about a duel, Marcus said. "I mean I will kill you right here."
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"He squinted at me. 'What are you wearing? Is that some new form of birth control?"
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"Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks."
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"Please, amigo. We need you, Kimosabe, O Mighty Powerful One. We need you more than the earth rises in the west.'The sun rises in the east, dickhead.'Only if you're standing on the earth. If you're on the moon, the earth rises in the west."
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"Bones has always been smart,' I muttered. 'His intelligence was just camouflaged under a mountain of p**sy.'Cat'."
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"If one door closes and another door opens, chances are your house is haunted."
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"Abby Von Normal - And I'm like, 'Don't change the subject, Kung Pao, what I want to know is if you're ready to spend some up-close and personal time with ninety pounds of barbarian woman-flesh! Sorry, I don't know how much that is in kilos."
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"On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind."
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"Stop teasing you two, Suzy jumped in, "not all of Kathy's ideas are wacky."Gee thanks. Was that supposed to be a compliment?"
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"Did he just rip out the engine?" I asked."Yes", Saiman said. "And now he is demolishing the Maserati with it."Ten seconds later Curran hurled the twisted wreck of black and orange that used to be the Maserati into the wall.The first melodic notes of an old song came from the computer. I glanced at Saiman.He shrugged. "It begged for a soundtrack."
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"I'm a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy."
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"He quit drinking coffee, and naturally, his brain stopped working."
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"Mathematicians deal with large numbers sometimes, but never in their income."
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"The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer."
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"No air, no balloons!"
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"The easiest way to steal a man's wallet is to tell him you're going to steal his watch."
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"Hey, Frenchie! Sage poked his head out the door, the sun hitting the brown of his hair to reveal hidden strands of red. "Did you bring any baguettes?"Why don't you go season something, Herb?"
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"I'm sure I look like a drowned cat.""You look fine. The wet look works for you."I scowled. "Now I know you're lying."
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"I never knew, apes talk. Apparently, you do."
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