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"Serve the dinner backward, do anything - but for goodness sake, do something weird."
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"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
Explore more quotes by Elsa Maxwell
"Seeing unhappiness in the marriage of friends, I was content to have chosen music and laughter as a substitute for a husband."
"A bore is a vacuum cleaner of society, sucking up everything and giving nothing. Bores are always eager to be seen talking to you."
"Under pressure, people admit to murder, setting fire to the village church or robbing a bank, but never to being bores."
"Someone said that life is a party. You join in after it's started and leave before it's finished."
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