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"Serve the dinner backward, do anything - but for goodness sake, do something weird."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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Personal Development
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"Someone said that life is a party. You join in after it's started and leave before it's finished."
Life
"Under pressure, people admit to murder, setting fire to the village church or robbing a bank, but never to being bores."
People
"Seeing unhappiness in the marriage of friends, I was content to have chosen music and laughter as a substitute for a husband."
Friendship
"Serve the dinner backward, do anything - but for goodness sake, do something weird."
Humor
"Bores put you in a mental cemetery while you are still walking."
Humor
"I don't hate anyone. I dislike. But my dislike is the equivalent of anyone else's hate."
Hate
"A bore is a vacuum cleaner of society, sucking up everything and giving nothing. Bores are always eager to be seen talking to you."
Society
"Existence is a party. You join after its started and you leave before its finished."
Existence
"Giving parties is a trivial avocation, but it pays the dues for my union card in humanity."
Events
"I make enemies deliberately. They are the sauce piquante to my dish of life."
Life
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