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"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton you may as well make it dance."
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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
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Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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Personal Development
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
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"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
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Explore more quotes by George Bernard Shaw
"The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me."
Emotion
"What Englishman will give his mind to politics as long as he can afford to keep a motor car?"
Car
"Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else."
Love
"Perhaps the greatest social service that can be rendered by anybody to the country and to mankind is to bring up a family."
Family
"The whole world is strewn with snares traps gins and pitfalls for the capture of men by women."
Gender
"What is virtue but the Trade Unionism of the married?"
Virtue
"As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. Satisfaction is death."
Existence
"The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they can't find them, make them."
People
"Schools and schoolmasters, as we have them today, are not popular as places of education and teachers, but rather prisons and turnkeys in which children are kept to prevent them disturbing and chaperoning their parent."
Education
"It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman despise him."
Society
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