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"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton you may as well make it dance."
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."
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Personal Development
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
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Personal Development
"It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health and a low score makes me feel better."
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Personal Development
"If you're brighter than a lightning bug, don't show your ass."
Author Name
Personal Development
"She watched him for a long moment, an adorably annoyed frown wrinkling her forehead. "You're obnoxious when you're right."
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Personal Development
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"We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future."
Future
"This is true joy of life-being used for a purpose that is recognized by yourself as a mighty one ... instead of being a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."
Inspirational
"Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them."
American
"Why, except as a means of livelihood, a man should desire to act on the stage when he has the whole world to act in, is not clear to me."
Act
"What a man believes may be ascertained, not from his creed, but from the assumptions on which he habitually acts."
Man
"I finished my first book seventy-six years ago. I offered it to every publisher on the English-speaking earth I had ever heard of. Their refusals were unanimous: and it did not get into print until, fifty years later; publishers would publish anything that had my name on it."
Creativity
"The secret of forgiving everything is to understand nothing."
Forgiveness
"Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not."
Health
"HIGGINS. Have you no morals, man?DOOLITTLE [unabashed] Cant afford them, Governor. Neither could you if you was as poor as me."
Ethics
"Beware of the man who does not return your blow: he neither forgives you nor allows you to forgive yourself."
Man
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