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Leo Rosten

"Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad."

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"Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad."

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Amber Hurdle

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

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Amber Hurdle

"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."

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Amber Hurdle

"He has got no good red blood in his body," said Sir James."No. Somebody put a drop under a magnifying glass, and it was all semicolons and parentheses," said Mrs. Cadwallader."

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Amber Hurdle

"CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it: it hurts."

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Amber Hurdle

"How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian?"

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Amber Hurdle

"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on."

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Amber Hurdle

"Where did you find that one?''I have no idea. I'm a magnet for crazies, I guess.''They must be able to sense a kindred spirit.''Your one to talk. Don't you have more hordes of the undead to lead in a glorious revolution?''Zombies not undead. There's a fine distinction. And no. Right now I'm scouting new talent. The glorious revolution comes tomorrow."

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Amber Hurdle

"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."

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Amber Hurdle

"A good joke doesn't necessarily need appreciation from others. One can freely laugh at one's own deserving jokes."

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Amber Hurdle

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice."

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Leo Rosten
"Happiness comes only when we push our brains and hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable."
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Leo Rosten
"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."
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Leo Rosten
"A writer writes not because he is educated but because he is driven by the need to communicate. Behind the need to communicate is the need to share. Behind the need to share is the need to be understood."
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Leo Rosten
"An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church."
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Leo Rosten
"Words must surely be counted among the most powerful drugs man ever invented."
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Leo Rosten
"First-rate people hire first-rate people; second-rate people hire third-rate people."
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Leo Rosten
"Satire is focused bitterness."
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Leo Rosten
"Humor is the affectionate communication of insight."
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Leo Rosten
"Proverbs often contradict one another, as any reader soon discovers. The sagacity that advises us to look before we leap promptly warns us that if we hesitate we are lost; that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but out of sight, out of mind."
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Leo Rosten
"Why did God give me two ears and one mouth? So that I will hear more and talk less."
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