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Leo Rosten

"Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad."

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"Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad."

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Donna Grant

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

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Donna Grant

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

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Donna Grant

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

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Donna Grant

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

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Donna Grant

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

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Donna Grant

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

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Donna Grant

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

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Donna Grant

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

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Donna Grant

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

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Donna Grant

"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."

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Leo Rosten
"The writer wants to be understood much more than he wants to be respected or praised or even loved. And that perhaps, is what makes him different from others."
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Leo Rosten
"Why did God give me two ears and one mouth? So that I will hear more and talk less."
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Leo Rosten
"Happiness comes only when we push our brains and hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable."
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Leo Rosten
"Satire is focused bitterness."
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Leo Rosten
"Humor is the affectionate communication of insight."
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Leo Rosten
"Courage is the capacity to confront what can be imagined."
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Leo Rosten
"A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead."
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Leo Rosten
"Words must surely be counted among the most powerful drugs man ever invented."
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Leo Rosten
"A writer writes not because he is educated but because he is driven by the need to communicate. Behind the need to communicate is the need to share. Behind the need to share is the need to be understood."
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Leo Rosten
"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."
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