"Tell me I'm clever, Tell me I'm kind, Tell me I'm talented, Tell me I'm cute, Tell me I'm sensitive, Graceful and wise, Tell me I'm perfect - But tell me the truth."

"I believe that if you don't want to do anything, then sit there and don't do it, but don't expect people to hand you a corn beef sandwich and wash your socks for you and unzip your fly for you."

"To me, freedom entitles you to do something, not to not do something."

"Imagine - four years you could have spent travelling around Europe meeting people, or going to the Far East of Africa or India, meeting people, exchanging ideas, reading all you wanted to anyway, and instead I wasted it at Roosevelt."

"If you want to find out what a writer or a cartoonist really feels, look at his work. That's enough."

"If the track is tough and the hill is rough, THINKING you can just ain't enough!"

"I will not play tug o' war. I'd rather play hug o' war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins."

"He has the obligation to society that any human being has. I don't think a satirist has any greater obligation to society than a bricklayer or anybody else."

"Never explain what you do. It speaks for itself. You only muddle it by talking about it."

"Stand-up comics reflect less of a visual humor and more of a commentary."

"If you're behind the times, they won't notice you. If you're right in tune with them, you're no better than they are, so they won't care much for you. Be just a little ahead of them."

"I know a way to stay friends forever, There's really nothing to it, I tell you what to do, And you do it."