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Shel Silverstein

"Stand-up comics reflect less of a visual humor and more of a commentary."

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"Stand-up comics reflect less of a visual humor and more of a commentary."

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Assegid Habtewold

"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

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Assegid Habtewold

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

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Assegid Habtewold

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

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Assegid Habtewold

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

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Assegid Habtewold

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

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Assegid Habtewold

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

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Assegid Habtewold

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

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Assegid Habtewold

"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."

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Assegid Habtewold

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

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Assegid Habtewold

"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."

Explore more quotes by Shel Silverstein

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Shel Silverstein
"I believe that if you don't want to do anything, then sit there and don't do it, but don't expect people to hand you a corn beef sandwich and wash your socks for you and unzip your fly for you."
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Shel Silverstein
"Never explain what you do. It speaks for itself. You only muddle it by talking about it."
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Shel Silverstein
"He has the obligation to society that any human being has. I don't think a satirist has any greater obligation to society than a bricklayer or anybody else."
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Shel Silverstein
"To me, freedom entitles you to do something, not to not do something."
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Shel Silverstein
"Tell me I'm clever, Tell me I'm kind, Tell me I'm talented, Tell me I'm cute, Tell me I'm sensitive, Graceful and wise, Tell me I'm perfect - But tell me the truth."
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Shel Silverstein
"Imagine - four years you could have spent travelling around Europe meeting people, or going to the Far East of Africa or India, meeting people, exchanging ideas, reading all you wanted to anyway, and instead I wasted it at Roosevelt."
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Shel Silverstein
"If you want to find out what a writer or a cartoonist really feels, look at his work. That's enough."
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Shel Silverstein
"I will not play tug o' war. I'd rather play hug o' war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins."
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Shel Silverstein
"If the track is tough and the hill is rough, THINKING you can just ain't enough!"
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Shel Silverstein
"If you're behind the times, they won't notice you. If you're right in tune with them, you're no better than they are, so they won't care much for you. Be just a little ahead of them."
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