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"Stand-up comics reflect less of a visual humor and more of a commentary."
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health and a low score makes me feel better."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If you're brighter than a lightning bug, don't show your ass."
Author Name
Personal Development
"She watched him for a long moment, an adorably annoyed frown wrinkling her forehead. "You're obnoxious when you're right."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"To me, freedom entitles you to do something, not to not do something."
Freedom
"If you're behind the times, they won't notice you. If you're right in tune with them, you're no better than they are, so they won't care much for you. Be just a little ahead of them."
Care
"I believe that if you don't want to do anything, then sit there and don't do it, but don't expect people to hand you a corn beef sandwich and wash your socks for you and unzip your fly for you."
People
"I will not play tug o' war. I'd rather play hug o' war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins."
War
"Never explain what you do. It speaks for itself. You only muddle it by talking about it."
Talk
"If you want to find out what a writer or a cartoonist really feels, look at his work. That's enough."
Work
"He has the obligation to society that any human being has. I don't think a satirist has any greater obligation to society than a bricklayer or anybody else."
Society
"Stand-up comics reflect less of a visual humor and more of a commentary."
Humor
"Tell me I'm clever, Tell me I'm kind, Tell me I'm talented, Tell me I'm cute, Tell me I'm sensitive, Graceful and wise, Tell me I'm perfect - But tell me the truth."
Truth
"I know a way to stay friends forever, There's really nothing to it, I tell you what to do, And you do it."
Friendship
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