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Exlpore more Humor quotes
"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
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Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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Personal Development
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
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Personal Development
"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
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Personal Development
Explore more quotes by William Arthur Ward
"God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say "thank you?""
God
"Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you."
Love
"Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting."
Forgiveness
"A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition."
Optimism
"To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity."
Wisdom
"A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life."
Humor
"Wise are they who have learned these truths: Trouble is temporary. Time is tonic. Tribulation is a test tube."
Time
"Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records."
Man
"Lose yourself in generous service and every day can be a most unusual day, a triumphant day, an abundantly rewarding day!"
Service
"If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it."
Dream
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