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Quotes by Comedian
"I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it."
34
"I was number one in the ratings four times last year and twice this season. What could be more damn equal than that? If they get any more equal, I don't want it."
Want,
34
"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife."
34
"I think we're part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand; a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn't punish, it doesn't reward, it doesn't judge at all. It just is."
34
"Be kind to people on the way up - you'll meet them again on your way down."
34
"My job is to find the politicians and the presidents and the pompous people who are telling other people how to live, powerful, visible creatures and ... go at them."
34
"Curb Your Enthusiasm, is not so much about Hollywood. It's more about Larry's weaknesses."
34
"The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on."
34
"But I majored in Drama, modified with Psychology."
34
"Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted."
34
"Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their conflicts. And that commitment, I think, might be what love is, because they both grow from their relationship."
34
"I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it."
34
"The success of any stand-up act comes out of life experience."
34
"To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for theexistence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. Probably farmore. At least in the case of UFOs there have been countless tapedand filmed and, by the way, unexplained sightings from all over theworld, along with documented radar evidence seen by experiencedmilitary and civilian radar operators."
34
"The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it, because you've lost your identity, because you now owe your allegiance to this thing that's bigger than you are and that controls you."
34
"Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom."
34
"When I went out on tour as Bing Hitler I would hook up with Lenny and we'd get drunk together. He was always very supportive. He was a big star and a lot of what he said to me had power and impact. Apart from that, I just like him."
34
"I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest."
34
"But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the whole being for the moment. No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open, completely themselves when that message hits the brain and the laugh begins. That's when new ideas can be implanted. If a new idea slips in at that moment, it has a chance to grow."
34
"I don't have a burning desire to be taken seriously as an actor. I don't have a master plan in that way."
33
"We really got a lot of very conservative gay people. You could look at the figures from the last election and realize that a third of the gay movement voted Republican."
33
"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
33
"You look at shows like The Simpsons or Larry Sanders or Curb Your Enthusiasm or Seinfeld, they're really sophisticated shows that we all love back home."
33
"I've known what it is to be hungry, but I always went right to a restaurant."
33
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