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"I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson."
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"The gift of today, blessings of the moment."
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Personal Development
"There is no rerun of life. Rejoice while breathe."
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Personal Development
"The time is now. What you have to do, do it now."
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Personal Development
"You have time to do what needs to be done."
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Personal Development
"Seek the blessings each day brings."
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Personal Development
"Today, you can take an action that will lead you closer to your visions."
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Personal Development
"The best of today lays a great foundation for tomorrow."
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Personal Development
"Write a daily gratitude."
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Personal Development
"The gift of today is the gift of time."
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Personal Development
"Time is irreplaceable asset."
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Personal Development
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"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something."
Dress
"England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'."
England
"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
Night
"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."
Family
"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."
Night
"I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks."
Love
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
First
"Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?"
Children
"My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."
Sex
"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."
Gay
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