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Emo Philips

"I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson."

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"I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson."

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Emo Philips
"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."

Gay

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Emo Philips
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

Work

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Emo Philips
"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some."

School

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Emo Philips
"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"

Father

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Emo Philips
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"

Wife

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Emo Philips
"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."

Men

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Emo Philips
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."

First

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Emo Philips
"I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks."

Love

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Emo Philips
"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."

Friendship

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Emo Philips
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

Life

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Aberjhani

"Time is irreplaceable asset."

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Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"The gift of today, blessings of the moment."

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Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"Today's experience prepares you for a better tomorrow."

Author Name

Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"There is no rerun of life. Rejoice while breathe."

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Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"Your sacred time is now! Begin to live passionately."

Author Name

Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"The present is precious gift. The past cannot be replayed. The future is no guarantee. Live in the present."

Author Name

Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"The time is now. What you have to do, do it now."

Author Name

Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"Renew your mind every morning with pure thoughts."

Author Name

Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"Today's experience prepares you for better tomorrow."

Author Name

Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"There is appointed time for every sacred event under the sun."

Author Name

Personal Development

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