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"Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch."
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"For in marriage a little licence, a little independence there mustbe between people living together day in day out in the same house; which Richard gave her, and shehim."
"I'm certain that most couples expect to find intimacy in marriage, but it somehow eludes them."
"Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two."
"I also remembered Buddy Willard saying in a sinister, knowing way that after Ihad children I would feel differently, I wouldn't want to write poems any more. So I began to think maybe it was true that when you were married and had children it was like being brainwashed, and afterward you went about numb as a slave in some private, totalitarian state."
"When a man has seen the woman whom he would have chosen if he had intended to marry speedily, his remaining a bachelor will usually depend on her resolution rather than on his."
"Before marriage a man prays that she accepts, after marriage a woman prays that he accepts."
"After a long time in laboratories, psychologists have discovered the holy grail of a happy marriage: I applied it and it didn't work."
Explore more quotes by Dennis Miller
"A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away."
"Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet."
"A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run."
"I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy."
"It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity."
"You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R."
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