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"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."
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"When the Devil goeth about like a roaring lion, he goeth about in a shape by which few but savages and hunters are attracted. But, when he is trimmed, smoothed, and varnished, according to the mode: when he is aweary of vice, and aweary of virtue, used up as to brimstone, and used up as to bliss; then, whether he take to the serving out of red tape, or to the kindling of red fire, he is the very Devil."
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Personal Development
"Evil is whatever distracts."
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Personal Development
"The mediation by the serpent was necessary. Evil can seduce man, but cannot become man."
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Personal Development
"There are heroes in evil as well as in good."
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Personal Development
"Our greatest pretenses are built up not to hide the evil and the ugly in us, but our emptiness. The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there."
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Personal Development
"No man is clever enough to know all the evil he does."
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Personal Development
"The evil thing is inside, not out."
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Personal Development
"Only a writer who has the sense of evil can make goodness readable."
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Personal Development
"Don't speak evil of someone if you don't know for certain, and if you do know ask yourself, why am I telling it?"
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Personal Development
"Pain is no evil, unless it conquers us."
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Personal Development
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"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."
People
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
Wife
"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."
Evil
"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."
Disaster
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
First
"People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi."
People
"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."
Family
"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some."
School
"I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson."
Today
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
Life
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