"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."

Evil, Incompetence, Office, Post

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"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."

Explore more quotes by Emo Philips

"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."

Gay,

"Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist."

Missionaries,

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

Work, Night

"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."

Love, Children

"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some."

School,

"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"

Father, Girlfriend

"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"

Wife, Bed, Man

"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."

Men, Ladies, Pain

"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."

First,

"I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes."

Night,

Exlpore more Evil quotes

"We are confident that evil can never happen to us until it does."

Bangambiki Habyarimana, Rwandan Author

Evil, Confidence, Naivety, Life

"MANY PHENOMENA--wars, plagues, sudden audits--have been advanced as evidence for the hidden hand of Satan in the affairs of Man."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Evil, Truth, Power, Wisdom, Life

"Our greatest pretenses are built up not to hide the evil and the ugly in us, but our emptiness. The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there."

Eric Hoffer, American Writer

Evil, Ugly

"There is such a thing as doing good that evil may come."

Samuel Butler, British Poet

Evil, May

"Sometimes evil didn't need an excuse. Sometimes evil just was."

Nenia Campbell, Swedish Musician

Evil, Darkness, Morality, Reality

"All evil is good become cancerous."

Isaac Asimov, American Scientist

Evil, Transformation, Cancer, Corruption

"Fascism is not defined by the number of its victims, but by the way it kills them."

Jean-Paul Sartre, French Philosopher

Evil, Fascism, Victims

"But other vampire stories? Well, no, I really haven't read too many, and I can't say I'm crazy about romantic vampires anyway - to me the vampire is simply an evil monster."

Brian Lumley, English Writer

Evil, Romantic

"Good can imagine Evil; but Evil cannot imagine Good."

W. H. Auden, English Poet

Evil,

"I believe that dogma is often evil."

Pat Buckley, Irish Clergyman

Evil,