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"My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted."
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"There is nothing ideal in Nature, because it was not created by some sort of ideal Almighty Being with perfect peerless craftsmanship. Nature as it is, has evolved through millions of years out of the biological drive for survival."
"Modern human evolution has reached the point of reporting corruption to the corrupt."
"Most species do their own evolving, making it up as they go along, which is the way Nature intended. And this is all very natural and organic and in tune with mysterious cycles of the cosmos, which believes that there's nothing like millions of years of really frustrating trial and error to give a species moral fiber and, in some cases, backbone."
"The next stage of evolution is the evolution of perception, the evolution of the mind."
"For a man, the optimal evolutionary strategy is to disseminate his genes as widely as possible, given his few minutes (or, alas, seconds) of investment in each encounter. It all makes simple evolutionary sense, since a woman invests a good deal of time and effort -a nine month long, risky, strenuous pregnancy, in each offspring. Naturally she has to be very discerning in her choice of sexual partners."
"I believe in evolution in the sense that a short-tempered man is the successor of a crybaby."
Explore more quotes by Steven Wright
"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
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