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Quotes by Comedian
"Personally, I'd never seen a graphic novel. I knew they existed because friends of mine like Jonathan Ross collect them and some very literate and intelligent people really rate the graphic novel as a form."
38
"I also focus on Bush and his administration - who do a lot of lying - and how a right-wing media has allowed them to get away with a lot of stuff that, in a different media environment, they probably wouldn't be able to get away with."
38
"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."
38
"Or the Department of Education and another ministry were worried about duplication of effort, so what did they do? They set up two committees to look into duplication and neither knew what the other was up to. It really is a world beyond parody."
38
"We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight."
38
"Austin sounds a little bit like Aston Martin, which is the type of car James Bond would drive."
38
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
38
"I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot."
38
"Luck? I don't know anything about luck. I've never banked on it and I'm afraid of people who do. Luck to me is something else: Hard work - and realizing what is opportunity and what isn't."
38
"I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name."
38
"Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'"
Time,
38
"I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy."
38
"This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution."
38
"There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook."
Man,
38
"If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty."
38
"Cleveland is my hometown, and the Indians have a narrow but rich history."
38
"I had always fancied a go at the comedy and when it started to go reasonably well and the opportunity arose for me to move into it full time, I just couldn't turn it down. I just took the risk, and I just wanted to see if it would work and thankfully it did."
38
"What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin."
Fish,
38
"I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things."
38
"It's the poignancy and sadness in things that gets to me."
38
"I try something new every night. It's an hour show; if it works I maybe try it a few more times and then move that off and try something new. It's a great workshop for me."
38
"The pressures having grown up in this business can be really rough. And it is a testament to you that you have remained focused and NOT lost your mind."
38
"I've never been one to sit back and go, 'I'd better do what the audience wants me to do, because I don't want to lose them.'"
Want,
38
"We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born."
38
"Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town."
37
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