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"If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like."
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"I just wanted to go play in the big leagues. But possibly playing for the Yankees is very special."

"I think I was programmed to do good things when I came into the majors. I knew how to play."

"Watching baseball under the lights is like observing dogs indoors, at a pedigree show. In both instances, the environment is too controlled to suit the species."

"It's no secret what's going on in baseball. At least half the players are using steroids."

"It's tempting, because as one senator said to me, 'We know if we invite baseball down, we'll draw a crowd'."
Explore more quotes by Phyllis Diller

"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual."

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."
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