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"New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you."
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"No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney."
Old
"Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno."
Body
"It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said."
Race
"Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives."
Daughter
"New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move."
People
"I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments."
Ladies
"Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed."
Time
"President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?"
Hell
"We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector."
Fun
"New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you."
Civilization
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"This grimy fragment of another world, the forerunner of change, of conquest, of trade, of massacres, of blessings....the merry dance of death and trade goes on."
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Personal Development
"The first human who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization."
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Personal Development
"A civilization is a heritage of beliefs, customs, and knowledge slowly accumulated in the course of centuries, elements difficult at times to justify by logic, but justifying themselves as paths when they lead somewhere, since they open up for man his inner distance."
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Personal Development
"A civilized man is one who will give a serious answer to a serious question. Civilization itself is a certain sane balance of values."
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Personal Development
"This civilization is the impact of the world's consumption behavior."
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Personal Development
"Without civilization, we would not turn into animals, but vegetables."
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Personal Development
"Civilization is communication. When that which should be expressed and transmitted is lost, civilization comes to an end."
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Personal Development
"Mankind is not likely to salvage civilization unless he can evolve a system of good and evil which is independent of heaven and hell."
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Personal Development
"What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea."
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Personal Development
"In the world of primitive savages, religion and bigotry go hand in hand. But, in the world of civilized humans, religion and reason must go hand in hand."
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Personal Development
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