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"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Car
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
Friendship
"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
Time
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
Now
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
Car
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
People
"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
Power
"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."
Press
"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."
Future
"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
Purpose
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"Home is anywhere that you know all your friends and all your enemies."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Sometimes to be at home is like a nightmare by Stephen King."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Mars will not be our new home; it will be our new hotel! Because for a new place to be our own home, we need to see the things we used to see: An autumn lake, a bird singing in the misty morning or even desert camels walking in the sunset!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"The best way of keeping a secret is to pretend there isn't one."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One is not to win the world, he has to win the home (family)."
Author Name
Personal Development
"No guest rooms. I shake my head resolutely. "I want to be in a room room. A lived-in room."
Author Name
Personal Development
"How people feel when they are returning home from an absence, long or short, I did not know: I had never experienced the sensation. I had known what it was to come back to Gateshead when a child after a long walk, to be scolded for looking cold or gloomy; and later, what it was to come back from church to Lowood, to long for a plenteous meal and a good fire, and to be unable to get either. Neither of these returnings was very pleasant or desirable: no magnet drew me to a given point, increasing in its strength of attraction the nearer I came. The return to Thornfield was yet to be tried."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Nothing else has the power to calm, comfort, and care for you better than home."
Author Name
Personal Development
"An artist has no home in Europe except in Paris."
Author Name
Personal Development
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