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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health and a low score makes me feel better."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The moment you have a self at all, there is a possibility of putting yourself first - wanting to be the centre - wanting to be God, in fact. That was the sin of Satan: and that was the sin he taught the human race. Some people think the fall of man had something to do with sex, but that is a mistake...what Satan put into the heads of our remote ancestors was the idea that they 'could be like Gods' - could set up on their own as if they had created themselves - be their own masters - invent some sort of happiness for themselves outside God, apart from God. And out of that hopeless attempt has come...the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people's faeces more disgusting than a bird's droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you."
Life
"Humor is just another defense against the universe."
Humor
"If presidents can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country."
Country
"These men both publicly and privately have done so much for me. Without Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick I would be living in a little motel just around the corner here, trying to make ends meet."
Men
"I don't believe in this business of being behind, better to be in front."
Business
"I only direct in self-defense."
Self
"He who hesitates is poor."
Poor
"Anybody can direct, but there are only eleven good writers."
Writer
"Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him."
Talent
"If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets."
God
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