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"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."
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"What men are among the other formations of the earth, artists are among men."
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Personal Development
"Women may fall when there's no strength in men."
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Personal Development
"Men are April when they woo, December when they wed. Maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives."
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Personal Development
"Be noble minded! Our own heart, and not other men's opinions of us, forms our true honor."
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Personal Development
"If we are marked to die, we are enough to do our country loss; and if to live, the fewer men, the greater share of honor."
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Personal Development
"There have been many great men that have flattered the people who ne'er loved them."
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Personal Development
"There is nothing wrong with men possessing riches. The wrong comes when riches possess men."
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Personal Development
"Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to their tremendous difficulties."
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Personal Development
"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."
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Personal Development
"But men are men; the best sometimes forget."
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"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."
People
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
Wife
"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"
Father
"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."
Men
"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."
Evil
"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."
Disaster
"Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?"
Children
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
First
"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."
Friendship
"My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing."
Computer
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