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Quotes by Comedian
"If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck."
Home,
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"I think NASCAR's coming to Canada now so it'll take on a whole new relevance. Be afraid."
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"I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present."
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"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."
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"I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points."
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"I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right."
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"Men always fall for frigid women because they put on the best show."
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"Admitting Error clears the Score, And proves you Wiser than before."
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"Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent."
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"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does."
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"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."
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"I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate."
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"Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order."
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"I'm happy that I have brought laughter because I have been shown by many the value of it in so many lives, in so many ways."
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"It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything."
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"I've found a more personal, pagan kind of religion to satisfy the spiritual side of things."
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"A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy."
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"If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none."
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"Jews don't care about ancient rivalries. We worry about humidity in Miami."
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"If I've been here a long time, I think: I must go to London and speak to someone or see a bus."
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"No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds."
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"Laughter need not be cut out of anything, since it improves everything."
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"Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn't even have when you were on your own."
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"We took the whole thing far too seriously. After all, those were early days in television."
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"Maybe... there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for unlawfully detaining 120 people. Maybe they just got carried away with last year's idea of pre-emptive strikes and thought, 'Let's not wait for an actual crime to occur. Let's get the innocent."
51
"The most memorable performance was my appearance in concert in Carnegie Hall. The first standup to do so."
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