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"A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy."
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"Often people display a curious respect for a man drunk, rather like the respect of simple races for the insane... There is something awe-inspiring in one who has lost all inhibitions."
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Personal Development
"The last resort of kings, the cannonball. The last resort of the people, the paving stone."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It is not true that people are naturally equal for no two people can be together for even a half an hour without one acquiring an evident superiority over the other."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There are bad people who would be less dangerous if they were quite devoid of goodness."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating - people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some people break promises for the pleasure of breaking them."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I do give books as gifts sometimes, when people would rather have one than a new Ferrari."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If something in your writing gives support to people in their lives, that's more than just entertainment-which is what we writers all struggle to do, to touch people."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Perhaps being old is having lighted rooms inside your head, and people in them, acting. People you know, yet can't quite name."
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Personal Development
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"People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy."
Car
"Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest."
Computer
"I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar."
Love
"The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly."
Invention
"I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything."
Sports
"Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is."
Fun
"The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."
Time
"A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy."
People
"I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it."
Birthday
"Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral."
Saying
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