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Emo Philips

"Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil."

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"Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil."

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Asa Don Brown

"The condition you're in at this moment is the product of your previous thoughts, to change your condition, change your thoughts."

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"Embrace the sacredness of a new day."

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"I know what I want. I will chase to it."

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Asa Don Brown

"A generous heart filled with gratitude is a magnet for abundance."

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"When life gives you pain, give life your unconditional love."

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"Doing what you love is a sacred life."

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Asa Don Brown

"You, your thoughts, and your imagination control the doorway to happiness. Service to the humanity is key to that doorway."

Explore more quotes by Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
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Emo Philips
"I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy."
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Emo Philips
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.""
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Emo Philips
"I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks."
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Emo Philips
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
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Emo Philips
"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."
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Emo Philips
"I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes."
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Emo Philips
"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."
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Emo Philips
"I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson."
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Emo Philips
"My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing."
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