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"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."
Gay
"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"
Father
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
First
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
Life
"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."
People
"My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing."
Computer
"Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil."
Life
"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."
Family
"Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps."
Worth
"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."
Disaster
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"Will a loving God send a man to hell? The answer from Jesus and His teachings of the Bible is, clearly, “Yes!” He does not send man willingly, but man condemns himself to eternal hell because . . .he refuses God's way of salvation and the hope of eternal life with Him."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The condition you're in at this moment is the product of your previous thoughts, to change your condition, change your thoughts."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Instead of clinging to the only Lifeboat that can save, we have tossed overboard biblical truths in the name of [compromise], living on the edge of life, like the man who rides the parameter of a hurricane, daring it to sweep him away."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There's one thing you can say for air pollution, you get utterly amazing sunrises."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There is always a path to our target, the problem is to discover it!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Things past redress are now with me past care."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some parts of life are lived in the shadows where the only sunlight you feel is the light you pray for."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Hate is hostility."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Money isn't the solution to your problems. It only lets you carry your unhappiness around in style."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Collect memories, they are your precious property."
Author Name
Personal Development
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