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Quotes by Comedian
"As someone who worked hard for a Labour victory in the 90s, do I regret it? Not really. It was bound to happen. And it'll happen with the next government, and the one after it. Because all governments serve us. They serve the filth."
55
"Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest."
55
"The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from wanting to host a standard-fare kind of talk show."
Talk,
55
"Rodents can come across as being quite vacant in the personality stakes."
55
"If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind."
55
"Dressing up as decrepit old ladies, and even decrepit young ladies, was one of our staples."
55
"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something."
55
"When you don't know what you're talking about, it's hard to know when you're finished."
55
"I don't watch television, I think it destroys the art of talking about oneself."
55
"We still have a tradition certainly in English television; it's faded a bit in the last five years, but we still have a tradition where the important thing is the quality and the challenging nature of the programming."
55
"It was fantastic to work in Cornwall partly because my family live there so I was able to do lots of visiting and eat lots of cake. They live all over Cornwall and all over Devon."
55
"I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has something to do with - if I may judge from my own father, who used to sit and stare at the TV while my mother was speaking to him - I think that's a man's way of tuning out."
55
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."
55
"In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One."
55
"Carrot Top is a nickname that people call me and I thought that it was more marketable."
55
"My kids have a competitive drive I never had growing up."
55
"I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be."
55
"In '87, I used to do this awful, awful James Brown impression."
55
"I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison."
55
"I don't have a single complete show or movie or anything else that I could look at and say, "Nailed that one." But endless dissatisfaction is, I suppose, what gets us out of bed in the morning."
Bed,
55
"People need motivation to do anything. I don't think human beings learn anything without desperation."
55
"It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time."
55
"I've had a very good career and I'm grateful that the public has had some level of acceptance and appreciation of my work."
55
"One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness."
55
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
55
"The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity."
55
"People are wonderful one at a time. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them."
55
"It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world."
55
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