top of page
.png){kind=small}
"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something."
Standard
Customized
More
"Someday I'm going to go onstage in a dress if I want to."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Oh, completely liberating because even if you don't do a woman right, you just have to put on high heels a wig, a bra and a dress, and I feel liberated."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I don't always wear underwear. When I'm in the heat, especially, I can't wear it. Like, if I'm wearing a flower dress, why do I have to wear underwear?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm shy. I can go on a trip for days and not go because I won't sit on a toilet seat on a plane. I'm certainly not going to go on somebody's lawn. Could you imagine, in a cocktail dress?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm just a bleeping maniac in straight clothing. There's no reason to dress my monster up."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There was a French singer, Francoise Hardy - I used to look at her pictures and try to dress like her."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I feel less pressure to dress youthfully. I'm 50 and everyone knows I'm 50 - who are you kidding? Jeans are my uniform. I have about 15 pairs."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Over the years I have learned that what is important in a dress is the woman who is wearing it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I don't make an effort to be sloppy. I just don't consider a perfect hairdo and a perfect face to be beautiful. If I had my way I'd dress myself and do my own makeup for magazine shoots."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If I want to wear a dress, I'll wear a dress."
Author Name
Personal Development
More
"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."
People
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
Wife
"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."
Evil
"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."
Disaster
"Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?"
Children
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
First
"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."
Friendship
"People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi."
People
"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."
Family
"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some."
School
bottom of page