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"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something."
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"The pressure was if I didn't get into that dress size someone else would - someone else would get the job."
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"I hold that gentleman to be the best-dressed whose dress no one observes."
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"Oh, completely liberating because even if you don't do a woman right, you just have to put on high heels a wig, a bra and a dress, and I feel liberated."
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"By this way you may dress all sorts of horses in the utmost perfection, if you know how to practice it; a thing that is very easy in the hands of a master."
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"However I dress it up, I was a spy and I am not proud of it."
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"And finding the hat, I always like to find the hat. And then props just dress the set. It's all fabulous."
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"Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress."
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"I don't make an effort to be sloppy. I just don't consider a perfect hairdo and a perfect face to be beautiful. If I had my way I'd dress myself and do my own makeup for magazine shoots."
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"Over the years I have learned that what is important in a dress is the woman who is wearing it."
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"Someday I'm going to go onstage in a dress if I want to."
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"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."
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"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
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"You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back."
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"Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps."
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"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."
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"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
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"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"
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"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."
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"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some."
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"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.""
Personal Development
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