"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."

Husband, Ruin

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"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."

Exlpore more Husband quotes

"Maids want nothing but husbands, and when they have them, they want everything."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

Husband, Husbands, Nothing, Want

"I'm not the one who was elected. I would never do anything to undermine my husband's point of view."

Laura Bush, American First Lady

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"I figure when you get married, it doesn't matter how much you earn or how much your husband earns, just as long as everything you do for the house is together, while still reserving some part of yourself to be yourself."

Marta Kristen, American Actress

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"The calmest husbands make the stormiest wives."

Thomas Dekker, English Dramatist

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"You just have to keep on doing what you do. It's the lesson I get from my husband; he just says, Keep going. Start by starting."

Meryl Streep, American Actress

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"Sometimes I have given my husband a manuscript to read that has turned out to have fantastic rave reviews and he'll tell me it is no good. Well, if I didn't know him as well as I know him I would be terribly depressed."

Katherine Dunham, American Dancer

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"I like to feel sexy. I know my husband thinks I'm sexy. I think he is too. But I don't go out half-naked with 'sex' written across my back."

Catherine Zeta-Jones, Welsh Actress

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"I have a lifetime appointment and I intend to serve it. I expect to die at 110, shot by a jealous husband."

Thurgood Marshall, American Judge

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"I'm fairly in tune with what's private with my husband and with me."

Star Jones, American Entertainer

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"Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one."

Harpo Marx, American Comedian

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Explore more quotes by Rita Rudner

"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."

Idea

"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."

Age

"Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before."

Mother

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."

Dogs

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

Life

"My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping."

Mother

"Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

Marriage

"Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?"

Men

"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."

Boyfriend

"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."

People