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"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."
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"A little in drink, but at all times your faithful husband."
"I'm not the one who was elected. I would never do anything to undermine my husband's point of view."
"But on the other hand, I talked to a woman who was a working woman, and it was actually great for her, because she had her husband one week of the month and the other three weeks, while he was with his other wives, she got to pursue what she wanted to do."
"I am happy to know that my husband regards me as a woman and a person."
"Sometimes I have given my husband a manuscript to read that has turned out to have fantastic rave reviews and he'll tell me it is no good. Well, if I didn't know him as well as I know him I would be terribly depressed."
"My husband thinks he's compromising if we have one cook instead of three."
"Sometimes I think my husband is so amazing that I don't know why he's with me. I don't know whether I'm good enough. But if I make him happy, then I'm everything I want to be."
Explore more quotes by Rita Rudner
"Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'"
"The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him."
"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."
"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."
"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"
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