"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."

Husband, Ruin

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"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."

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"I'm not the one who was elected. I would never do anything to undermine my husband's point of view."

Laura Bush, American First Lady

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"I'm just a husband waltzing in the background."

Bruce Greenwood, Canadian Actor

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"A little in drink, but at all times your faithful husband."

Richard Steele, British Dramatist

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"I don't sit around thinking that I'd like to have another husband; only another man would make me think that way."

Lauren Bacall, American Actress

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"My husband came up to Hot Rocks to check up on me, why is still unknown to me because if I was to cheat on him it wouldn't be in a neighborhood bar where he knows I am."

Kim Mathers, American Celebrity

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"Sometimes I have given my husband a manuscript to read that has turned out to have fantastic rave reviews and he'll tell me it is no good. Well, if I didn't know him as well as I know him I would be terribly depressed."

Katherine Dunham, American Dancer

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"The calmest husbands make the stormiest wives."

Thomas Dekker, English Dramatist

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"Tell your husbands any bad news when everything is calm, not just as they come through the door."

Indra Devi, Latvian Celebrity

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"But you know, it's not easy when your husband runs for president. I mean, it's not easy for me. I'm sure it's not easy for her. There's a lot of scrutiny on families that isn't always wanted."

Laura Bush, American First Lady

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"My husband is a fall-away Catholic, but with a vengeance. He's actually more of a feminist than I am."

Olympia Dukakis, American Actress

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Explore more quotes by Rita Rudner

"Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'"

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"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."

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"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

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"It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

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"Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

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"My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping."

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"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."

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"The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him."

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"I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."

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"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."

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