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"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
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"I remember Mitch Miller saying every week, This rock and roll stuff will never last. But one doesn't like to bring that up to Mitch."
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Personal Development
"Well, as I was saying... everyone's so nice to me, usually."
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Personal Development
"If somebody's pointing a trembling finger at your pants and saying you shouldn't be doing that, follow that finger back, go up the arm and look at the head that's behind it, because there's almost always something fairly woolly in there."
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Personal Development
"At least when it's in French, I won't know what the heck they're saying."
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Personal Development
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
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Personal Development
"I have to say that when I was young, when any politician was talking I wasn't even interested. Maybe they were saying some nice stuff, but then if you put Michael Jordan on TV, I was interested!"
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Personal Development
"Style is a simple way of saying complicated things."
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Personal Development
"I don't believe what the papers are saying They're just out to capture my dime, Exaggerating this, exaggerating that."
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Personal Development
"I'm not saying that the gas chambers didn't exist. I couldn't see them myself."
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Personal Development
"Because Hightower's problem, among other things, is that advertisers would be a lot less interested in his show than in Limbaugh's, even if they have similar ratings, because of what Hightower is saying."
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"Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough."
People
"Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"
Eyes
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
Time
"I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt."
Time
"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."
Mother
"The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths."
Time
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
Life
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
Woman
"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does."
Marriage
"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
Art
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