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Jay Leno

"Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"

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"Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"

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Akiroq Brost

"What men are among the other formations of the earth, artists are among men."

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Akiroq Brost

"Women may fall when there's no strength in men."

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Akiroq Brost

"Men are April when they woo, December when they wed. Maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives."

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Akiroq Brost

"Be noble minded! Our own heart, and not other men's opinions of us, forms our true honor."

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Akiroq Brost

"If we are marked to die, we are enough to do our country loss; and if to live, the fewer men, the greater share of honor."

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Akiroq Brost

"There have been many great men that have flattered the people who ne'er loved them."

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Akiroq Brost

"There is nothing wrong with men possessing riches. The wrong comes when riches possess men."

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Akiroq Brost

"Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to their tremendous difficulties."

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Akiroq Brost

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."

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Akiroq Brost

"But men are men; the best sometimes forget."

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Jay Leno
"The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver."
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Jay Leno
"The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular."
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Jay Leno
"The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most."
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Jay Leno
"According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it."
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Jay Leno
"Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors."
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Jay Leno
"You're not famous until my mother has heard of you."
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Jay Leno
"Politics is just show business for ugly people."
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Jay Leno
"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
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Jay Leno
"I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder."
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Jay Leno
"If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet."
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