"I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it."

Birthday, Christmas, Want, Waste

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"I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it."

Exlpore more Birthday quotes

"My best kiss was on stage. Kelly Rowland from Destiny's Child gave me a really nice soft kiss on my lips during a performance on my birthday. It was amazing."

Chris Brown, American Musician

Birthday, Kiss, Performance, Destiny

"I binge when I'm happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like I'm at a birthday party."

Kirstie Alley, American Actress

Birthday, Party

"I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough."

Johnny Vegas, British Comedian

Birthday, Kids, Old, Party

"When I was little I thought, isn't it nice that everybody celebrates on my birthday? Because it's July 4th."

Gloria Stuart, American Actress

Birthday, Thought, July

"I grew up doing all that stuff because I was obsessed with the '50s. I had sock hops for birthday parties. So I've always done The Twist and stuff. It was pretty natural and, with my parents doing it all the time, I'd just copy them. Not very pretty."

Brittany Snow, American Actress

Birthday, Time, Parents, Pretty

"One I built when I was a kid, and it was a real miniature of Disneyland. I fell in love with the park when I went there with my parents on my 12th birthday."

Bobby Sherman, American Musician

Birthday, Love, Parents

"My son had his eighth birthday recently and we had a chance to borrow the film and show it to all of his friends that was at his birthday party and they loved it. I was a little nervous. I said they might not even like it, and say his daddy's movie is wack, but they loved it."

Blair Underwood, American Actor

Birthday, Son, Chance, Film

"My biggest hero, Gregory Peck, was my birthday present on April 14, 1973. I just sat and stared at him."

Loretta Lynn, American Musician

Birthday, April, Present

"With a recent birthday, I've been acting now for twenty years."

Thayer David, American Actor

Birthday, Acting, Now, Years

"Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same."

Audrey Hepburn, Belgian Actress

Birthday, Success

Explore more quotes by Demetri Martin

"The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly."

Invention

"I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything."

Sports

"Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is."

Fun

"The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."

Time

"I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it."

Birthday

"Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral."

Saying

"I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!'"

Ability

"I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'"

Cause

"If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters."

Letters

"Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest."

Computer