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"Our dog died from licking our wedding picture."
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"Well... Actually I got picked because I was the only one who fit the wedding gown - they had my size."

"It happened in Miami, in Coral Gables, a great big ol' Cuban wedding. It was pretty intense."

"I hadn't been in Vegas 20 minutes when I got word that the bookmakers were offering three to one that Frank wouldn't show for my wedding."

"I want the big drama. I always said I don't want a wedding I want a parade."

"I just wrapped this movie called The Wedding Crashers which was a pretty big break for me."

"The day of the wedding went like these things generally do, full of anxious moments interspersed with black comedy."
Explore more quotes by Phyllis Diller

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."

"The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you."

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual."
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