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"Our dog died from licking our wedding picture."
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"My husband, Jim, converted to Judaism just before our wedding."
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Personal Development

"I don't know nothing about no marriages or nothing. I ain't even never been to a wedding."
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Personal Development

"A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers."
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Personal Development

"I really did put up all my wedding pictures on my website. And I swear to you, my wedding pictures got downloaded just as much as my bikini pictures."
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Personal Development

"No wedding bells for me anymore. I've been happily married to my profession for years."
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Personal Development

"I'm taking one thing at a time. With the children and launching my solo career it would drive me to a nervous breakdown if I tried to organise a wedding on top of that."
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Personal Development

"A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers."
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Personal Development

"We were pretty good mates until the Beatles started to split up and Yoko came into it. It was more like old army buddies splitting up on account of wedding bells."
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Personal Development

"A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year."
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Personal Development

"I'll get pretty much everything the way I want it. I've always dreamed of a beach wedding."
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"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home."
Home

"Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going."
Home

"You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type."
Blood

"A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once."
Mistake

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."
Children

"There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto."
Money

"It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core."
Beauty

"I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away."
Sex

"The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you."
Reason

"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual."
Anger
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