top of page
.png){kind=small}
Quotes by Comedian
"If an original piece of wardrobe came up from Star Wars, I'd probably spend a lot of money on it."
38
"There's something that happens in that delivery room, when a woman becomes ten times more a woman, and a guy becomes six times less a man. You feel really dopey and useless and like a spectator. I did, anyway."
38
"People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid."
38
"Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do."
38
"Comedy. It was just huge in my house. Peter Sellers and Alec Guinness, Monty Python and all those James Bond movies were highly regarded."
38
"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand."
38
"No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney."
38
"A 'farm' today means 100,000 chickens in a space the size of a Motel 6 shower stall."
38
"Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much."
38
"Relations between black and white would be greatly improved if we were more accepting of our fears and our feelings and more vocal about it."
38
"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."
38
"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
38
"I'm comfortable being old... being black... being Jewish."
38
"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."
38
"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"
38
"Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'."
38
"In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop."
38
"I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one."
38
"It's more fun in a way to do ensemble scenes, where you know your background, you know the scene, but you can't prepare because someone else is going to say something that is going to lead you off."
Fun,
38
"A room is like a stage. If you see it without lighting, it can be the coldest place in the world."
38
"I love the TV show, and if you make a bad movie it means you've soiled it. Just like if we made an advert. We were offered so many times and I'd say, look, this is the good thing, and you can't compromise that, because then you compromise the integrity of the characters."
38
"We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion."
38
"I enjoy the character interplay. Sometimes the audience is not laughing, but smiling, and that is almost just as good because it keeps them ready to laugh."
38
"Obama's space policy doesn't differ much from George W. Bush's."
38
bottom of page