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"People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid."
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"Age is always advancing and I'm fairly sure it's up to no good."
"Why is it, I wondered, that old people are always so self-centered and excitable? But I just smiled benignly and stood back, comforted by the thought that soon they would be dead."
"Old-age sucks, but the alternative doesn't look that great, either."
"George Macdonald said, 'If you knew what God knows about death you would clap your listless hands', but instead I find old people in North America just buying this whole youth obsession. I think growing older is a wonderful privilege. I want to learn to glorify God in every stage of my life."
"With regard to things such as independence, mental capabilities, and sexuality, a very old man is nothing but a gigantic infant with white hair and wrinkles."
"Some people do not really hate aging, they merely love the colour black."
Explore more quotes by Craig Ferguson
"The Bible has been through at least half a dozen translations by the time you read it. Plus, when the word of God is infected by the hand of man, that is, written down, it is tainted."
"Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands."
"I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die."
"Allowances can always be made for your friends to disagree with you. Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible without it. Evil does not question itself, only hope questions itself. Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken. Infallibility is a sin in any man. All laws can be broken and are. Often. Like when a bumblebee flies or an ancient regime is toppled."
"Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape."
"I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist."
"Hey dawg, wassup?' he said, in the strange way that white talent agents from Los Angeles do in an attempt to sound like young black men from underprivileged backgrounds. A linguistic fashion as peculiar as the lisp that everybody in medieval Spain had to adopt after the king developed a speech impediment."
"That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil."
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