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"People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid."
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"Oh, once you've been initiated into the Elderly, the world doesn't want you back. Veronica settled herself in a rattan chair and adjusted her hat just so. "We-by whom I mean anyone over sixty-commit two offenses just by existing. One is Lack of Velocity. We drive too slowly, walk too slowly, talk too slowly. The world will do business with dictators, perverts, and drug barons of all stripes, but being slowed down it cannot abide. Our second offence is being Everyman's memento mori. The world can only get comfy in shiny-eyed denial if we are out of sight."
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Personal Development
"I spent my life learning to feel less. Every day I felt less. Is that growing old? Or is it something worse?"
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Personal Development
"As Wendy watched them they burst into a chord of tinkling, girlish laughter. She felt a smile touch her own lips; not one of them could be under sixty."
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Personal Development
"Old Age homes are civilization's dumpsites for human beings who it cannot exploit further."
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Personal Development
"The only things that old age comes standard with: grey hair and wrinkles. Wisdom and intellect are earned."
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Personal Development
"I think that, with age, people come to realize that death is inevitable. And we need to learn to face it with serenity, wisdom and resignation. Death often frees us from a lot of senseless sufferings."
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Personal Development
"When you start believing that you are too old to enjoy something, you lose so much joy in your life."
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Personal Development
"He who is of a calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age. But to him who is of an opposite disposition, youth and age are equally a burden."
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Personal Development
"They asked Abboud of Omdurman: 'Which is better, to be young or to be old?' He said: 'To be old is to have less time before you and more mistakes behind. I leave you to decide whether this is better than the reverse."
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Personal Development
"A man who lives long enough will be a boy twice."
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Personal Development
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"When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die."
Thought
"Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don't already know"
Entertainment
"I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it."
Love
"When I went out on tour as Bing Hitler I would hook up with Lenny and we'd get drunk together. He was always very supportive. He was a big star and a lot of what he said to me had power and impact. Apart from that, I just like him."
Power
"Sometimes they would just pay me to stay home and not do anything else, which sounds fantastic but doesn't do much for your ego. Its probably a little like getting alimony - the money is nice but has a nasty aftertaste."
Ego
"By the power of Steven Wright's Beard!"
Order
"If I have a near - beer, I'm near beer. And if I'm near beer, I'm close to tequila. And if I'm close to tequila, I'm adjacent to cocaine."
Humor
"I told her that I didn't want to take any drugs. That I had come here not to take drugs. 'Listen, ' she said, not unkindly, 'up until now I would say that ninety - nine percent of all the narcotics you have taken in your life you bought from guys you didn't know, in bathrooms or on street corners, something like that. Correct?'I nodded.'Well these guys could have been selling you salt or strychnine. They didn't care. They wanted your money. I don't care about your money, and, unlike your previous suppliers, I went to college to study just the right drugs to give to people like you in order to help you get better. So, bearing all that in mind ... Take the fucking drugs!'I took the drugs."
Treatment
"Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'."
Humor
"If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me."
Wit
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