"It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether."

"With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle."

"My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with."

"When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that."

"I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show."

"I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again."

"We all have days where we can't pronounce things or give it the emotion it deserves."

"There's this idea that it has to be made in London. But we've got everything up here, and if you've got comics who are gifted because of where they're from, you shouldn't drag them away from that natural resource."

"I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one."

"You can sway an audience if you win the women over. The gentlemen will follow 'cause they can be so foolish like that at times, they are easily led."

"Had I become a priest, the sermons would've been electric!"

"I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough."

"They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day."

"You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear."

"There's lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but he's not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out."

"If an original piece of wardrobe came up from Star Wars, I'd probably spend a lot of money on it."

"I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia."

"I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind."

"I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up."

"For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for some reason."