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"If an original piece of wardrobe came up from Star Wars, I'd probably spend a lot of money on it."
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"To make dollars from cents you have to have sense."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A drunkard would not give money to sober people. He said they would only eat it, and buy clothes and send their children to school with it."
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Personal Development
"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Nothing induces me to read a novel except when I have to make money by writing about it. I detest them."
Author Name
Personal Development
"To understand someone, find out how he spends his money."
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Personal Development
"Egoism and Money [Goddess of wealth; Lakshmi] are very much at odds [have great enmity]. There should be just enough egoism to accomplish one's work. Beyond that, any expanded egoism and money have great enmity. Money (Lakshmi) stays away from it."
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Personal Development
"Money cannot buy you love. But it sure can buy you things that some people will love you for having."
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Personal Development
"When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them."
Author Name
Personal Development
"All about the fucking money... money... money... thinking it's for the good for your generation... but so far it's neither and for that and neither and for that... It's mostly for the worst of your generation and other's generations."
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"I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again."
Audience
"There's this idea that it has to be made in London. But we've got everything up here, and if you've got comics who are gifted because of where they're from, you shouldn't drag them away from that natural resource."
Idea
"It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether."
Love
"I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show."
People
"There's lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but he's not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out."
Being
"I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough."
Birthday
"With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle."
Audience
"I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one."
Respect
"I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind."
Birthday
"My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with."
Family
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