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Rita Rudner

"Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"

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"Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"

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Amber Hurdle

"Children dwell in their dreams. Get them the wings and they'll fly."

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"Gift the children corruption free nation. Happy Children's day."

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Amber Hurdle

"The children of the revolution are always ungrateful, and the revolution must be grateful that it is so."

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Amber Hurdle

"Children wish fathers looked but with their eyes; fathers that children with their judgment looked; and either may be wrong."

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Amber Hurdle

"You know, my children go to a local, local catholic school just down the road."

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Amber Hurdle

"The thing I want more than anything else? I want to have children. I used to feel for every child I had, I would adopt another."

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Amber Hurdle

"Find a good teacher, as I found for my sons. I feel the worst thing you can do is to try and teach your own children yourself, because there is a natural rebellion that occurs."

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Amber Hurdle

"It eats you up. It eats you up. And you have to - I had a lot of help. I had a lot of therapy. And I was able to - because it was hard, you know, to - you can't just lay it on friends and children."

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Amber Hurdle

"If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others."

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Amber Hurdle

"I don't like to be gone all weekend and at night too. Because for 20 years, I've had children who are in school."

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Rita Rudner
"Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them."
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"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."
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Rita Rudner
"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"
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Rita Rudner
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
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Rita Rudner
"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."
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Rita Rudner
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
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Rita Rudner
"Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid."
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Rita Rudner
"Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in."
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Rita Rudner
"Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?"
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Rita Rudner
"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."
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