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Rita Rudner

"Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"

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"Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"

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Amber Hurdle

"Parents provide their children with genes as well as an environment, so the fact that talkative parents have kids with good language skills could simply mean that and that the same genes that make parents talkative make children articulate."

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Amber Hurdle

"More than Captain America your kids need Amelia Earhart " more than Ant Man, they need Abraham Lincoln - more than Green Arrow they need Gandhi " more than Iron Man they need Isaac Newton."

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Amber Hurdle

"I think children learn from example. I don't believe in raising them in an authoritative atmosphere."

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Amber Hurdle

"I am certain that the Lord, who notes the fall of a sparrow, looks with compassion upon those who have been called upon to part, even temporarily, from their precious children."

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Amber Hurdle

"You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going."

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Amber Hurdle

"Fairy tales are such evil little stories for young children."

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Amber Hurdle

"If you mess up your children, nothing else you do really matters."

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Amber Hurdle

"Instead of needing lots of children, we need high-quality children."

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Amber Hurdle

"It's shameful what's happening in this country in terms of what we deny our children."

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Amber Hurdle

"I was like one of those nauseatingly nice children. I was very, very well behaved and boring."

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Rita Rudner
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
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Rita Rudner
"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."
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Rita Rudner
"It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
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Rita Rudner
"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."
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Rita Rudner
"Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in."
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Rita Rudner
"We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet."
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Rita Rudner
"I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours."
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Rita Rudner
"I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso."
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Rita Rudner
"Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before."
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Rita Rudner
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."
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