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"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"
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"It is not altogether wrong to say that there is no such thing as a bad photograph - only less interesting, less relevant, less mysterious ones."
"There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side."
"I remember we woke up one morning at Denny's house and John Phillips called. He said, you guys okay? We said, yeah, what's wrong, what's going on? He said, well, everybody's dead over at Sharon's house at Terry Melcher's place."
"The Pentagon said that these prisoners were kept in accordance with the Geneva Convention, and of course I was not reassured by that, but I couldn't prove that that was wrong; so we're clearer about that."
"I have an elbow that bends the wrong way, and I'd do things like stand in an elevator and the doors would close, and I'd pretend that my arm had got caught in it, and then I'd scream, 'Ow, ow, put it back!'"
"After the last two years of springtime gas price spikes, nearly everyone in Southeast Wisconsin understands that something is wrong with our gasoline regulation and supply system."
"If a story isn't working, I'm simply unable to finish it. That's what usually tells me something is wrong."
Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg
"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."
"You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something."
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."
"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
"I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once."
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