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Quotes by Comedian
"You see much more of your children once they leave home."
42
"The sterile, arid environment created by truly jarring and discordant signage and gargantuan billboards is a turnoff."
42
"I think some of the best modern writing comes now from travellers."
42
"It can make you sad to look at pictures from your youth. So there's a trick to it. The trick is not to look at the later pictures."
42
"Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?"
42
"We didn't even think about it, you know? I used to collect laser discs, and you'd have some college professor analyzing It's a Wonderful Life or Citizen Kane, and now it is pretty funny - the idea of commentary for a silly kid's movie, you know?"
42
"It's an awesome thing to be flung out onto the stage twice a weekend in front of 250 people, and you have to make it up as you go along."
42
"There are different types of love, and my love for my child is like me and my mum. We've gone through a lot of rocky patches, but we never stop loving."
Love,
42
"And I think that being able to make people laugh and write a book that's funny makes the information go down a lot easier and it makes it a lot more fun to read, easier to understand, and often stronger. So there's all kinds of advantages to it."
42
"The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill."
42
"The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves."
Man,
42
"I had some friends that tried it down there, and I went to a couple of open mics, and I just kind of got this... this sick urge to try it instead of just watching it."
42
"I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet."
Time,
42
"Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand."
42
"Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is."
42
"The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job."
42
"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife."
42
"No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to."
42
"I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get."
42
"I don't like doing movies, period. Movies are hard. I like TV."
42
"I don't get very involved in the L.A. scene. When you do get invited out, you are expected to be on all the time. It's just wearying."
Time,
42
"Be kind to people on the way up - you'll meet them again on your way down."
42
"Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip."
42
"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."
42
"There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon."
42
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