Quotes by Comedian | Beyond Motive 46/75

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Quotes by Comedian

"Black beauty - he's a dark horse."

"Black beauty - he's a dark horse."

Tim Vine, British Comedian

33

"Yeah, I think Michael has had to deal with that label of being Michael Caine for a long time."

"Yeah, I think Michael has had to deal with that label of being Michael Caine for a long time."

Dylan Moran, Irish Comedian

33

"The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun."

"The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun."

Jerry Seinfeld, American Comedian

People, Friends, Fun, Strangers

33

"Love is what you've been through with somebody."

"Love is what you've been through with somebody."

James Thurber, American Comedian

33

"People are still crazy about Python after twenty-five years, which I find hard to believe."

"People are still crazy about Python after twenty-five years, which I find hard to believe."

Michael Palin, British Comedian

33

"You always worry about films when you hear about them making decisions after announcements are made."

"You always worry about films when you hear about them making decisions after announcements are made."

Simon Pegg, British Comedian

Decisions, Worry

33

"I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly."

"I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly."

Kathy Griffin, American Comedian

Love, Fashion, Fun, Silly

33

"In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children."

"In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children."

Robert Benchley, American Comedian

Travel, America, Children, Class

33

"I play drums, clarinet, saxophone, trumpet, french horn, piano."

"I play drums, clarinet, saxophone, trumpet, french horn, piano."

Norman Wisdom, English Comedian

33

"The "what should be" never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no "what should be," there is only what is."

"The "what should be" never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no "what should be," there is only what is."

Lenny Bruce, American Comedian

33

"I regret the passing of the studio system. I was very appreciative of it because I had no talent."

"I regret the passing of the studio system. I was very appreciative of it because I had no talent."

Lucille Ball, American Comedian

33

"No day of my life passes without someone saying the words 'Monty Python' to me. It's not bad."

"No day of my life passes without someone saying the words 'Monty Python' to me. It's not bad."

Eric Idle, English Comedian

Life, Day, Saying, Words

33

"A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done."

"A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done."

Fred Allen, American Comedian

People, Nothing

33

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

Rita Rudner, American Comedian

Men, Marriage, Pain

33

"In the original script, my character was a basketball player rather than a boxer. I didn't think I could pull that off. I'm a little short to be a basketball player!"

"In the original script, my character was a basketball player rather than a boxer. I didn't think I could pull that off. I'm a little short to be a basketball player!"

Eddie Murphy, American Comedian

Character, Basketball

33

"And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede."

"And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede."

Dick Gregory, American Comedian

Love, War, Dance

33

"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."

"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."

Henny Youngman, American Comedian

Home, Love, Affection, Night

33

"I had always wanted to be on SNL, it's not always great, but it's this leftover childhood dream."

"I had always wanted to be on SNL, it's not always great, but it's this leftover childhood dream."

Rachel Dratch, American Comedian

Dream, Childhood

33

"Anyone who bombs is my friend."

"Anyone who bombs is my friend."

Todd Barry, American Comedian

Friendship, Friend, Bombs

33

"There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God."

"There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God."

Bill Cosby, American Comedian

Funny, Humor, God, Hope

33

"I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there."

"I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there."

Bob Hope, American Comedian

33

"One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control."

"One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control."

Rodney Dangerfield, American Comedian

Control, Birth control

33

"We did six records, then six movies. Now we need to do six of something else, so we get 666 - and then our master Satan can return!"

"We did six records, then six movies. Now we need to do six of something else, so we get 666 - and then our master Satan can return!"

Cheech Marin, American Comedian

Movies, Now, Satan

33

"If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit."

"If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit."

Kevin Nealon, American Comedian

People, Problems

33

"If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they're brooding all the time."

"If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they're brooding all the time."

Joe Rogan, American Comedian

Time, People, Actor, Film

33

"The Yale group was doing the Harold. So by our senior year we were trying to do the Harold. Again, we had no idea what we were doing. We had one guy in the group who was pretty experimental; he would kind of push us to do weird things. It was really fun, a great experience."

"The Yale group was doing the Harold. So by our senior year we were trying to do the Harold. Again, we had no idea what we were doing. We had one guy in the group who was pretty experimental; he would kind of push us to do weird things. It was really fun, a great experience."

Rachel Dratch, American Comedian

Experience, Idea, Fun, Pretty

33

"You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot."

"You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot."

Elayne Boosler, American Comedian

Man, Walking, Woman

33

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."

Milton Berle, American Comedian

33

"The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths."

"The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths."

Groucho Marx, American Comedian

Time, Life, Soul, Eternity

33

"What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke."

"What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke."

Steve Martin, American Comedian

Art, People, Comedy

33

"No-one really feels self-confident deep down becuase it's an artifical idea. Really, people aren't that worried about what you're doing or what you're saying, so you can drift around the world relatively anonymously: you must not feel persucted and examined. Liberate yourself from that idea that people are watching you."

"No-one really feels self-confident deep down becuase it's an artifical idea. Really, people aren't that worried about what you're doing or what you're saying, so you can drift around the world relatively anonymously: you must not feel persucted and examined. Liberate yourself from that idea that people are watching you."

Russell Brand, English Comedian

People, Idea, Deep, Saying

33

"While all the other kids were out playing ball and stuff, I used to stay in my room and imagine that there was a camera in the wall. And I used to really believe that I was putting on a television show and that it was going out to somewhere in the world."

"While all the other kids were out playing ball and stuff, I used to stay in my room and imagine that there was a camera in the wall. And I used to really believe that I was putting on a television show and that it was going out to somewhere in the world."

Andy Kaufman, American Comedian

Kids, Television, World

33

"I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive."

"I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive."

Jerry Seinfeld, American Comedian

33

"Love is the big booming beat which covers up the noise of hate."

"Love is the big booming beat which covers up the noise of hate."

Margaret Cho, American Comedian

33

"Once I tried to kill myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying."

"Once I tried to kill myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying."

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Suicide, Humor, Irony, Danger

33

"When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life."

"When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life."

Richard Lewis, American Comedian

33

"I'd like to produce, direct, write, score, and star in a film in exactly the way Chaplin did. I'll do that before I'm thirty."

"I'd like to produce, direct, write, score, and star in a film in exactly the way Chaplin did. I'll do that before I'm thirty."

Eddie Murphy, American Comedian

33

"I've never been in the music industry, only acting."

"I've never been in the music industry, only acting."

Victoria Jackson, American Comedian

33

"I loved the logistical reality of a guy who wants to take over the world, yet who has a family too."

"I loved the logistical reality of a guy who wants to take over the world, yet who has a family too."

Mike Myers, Canadian Comedian

Family, Reality, World

33

"I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time."

"I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time."

Will Ferrell, American Comedian

Funny, Time, Right

33

"I can't be funny if my feet don't feel right."

"I can't be funny if my feet don't feel right."

Billy Crystal, American Comedian

Funny, Feet, Right

33

"Canada is the essence of not being. Not English, not American, it is the mathematic of not being. And a subtle flavour - we're more like celery as a flavour."

"Canada is the essence of not being. Not English, not American, it is the mathematic of not being. And a subtle flavour - we're more like celery as a flavour."

Mike Myers, Canadian Comedian

American, Being, Canada, English

33

"I think some of the best modern writing comes now from travellers."

"I think some of the best modern writing comes now from travellers."

Michael Palin, British Comedian

33

"It can make you sad to look at pictures from your youth. So there's a trick to it. The trick is not to look at the later pictures."

"It can make you sad to look at pictures from your youth. So there's a trick to it. The trick is not to look at the later pictures."

Jerry Stiller, American Comedian

33

"Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got."

"Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got."

Josh Billings, American Comedian

33

"Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television."

"Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television."

Joan Rivers, American Comedian

God, Bed, Country, Living

33

"I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."

"I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."

Joan Rivers, American Comedian

33

"The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing."

"The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing."

Jo Brand, British Comedian

Funny, Thought, Results

33

"I go through a whole process with the actors first, building and creating characters, then I encourage them to sort of live in that character when they're in the screen."

"I go through a whole process with the actors first, building and creating characters, then I encourage them to sort of live in that character when they're in the screen."

Keenen Ivory Wayans, American Comedian

Character, Actors, Building, First

33

"Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit.""

"Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit.""

Bill Maher, American Comedian

God, Fire, Man, Suicide

33

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