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Emo Philips

"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."

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"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."

Explore more quotes by Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."
Gay,
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Emo Philips
"Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist."
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Emo Philips
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
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Emo Philips
"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."
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Emo Philips
"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some."
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Emo Philips
"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"
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Emo Philips
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
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Emo Philips
"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."
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Emo Philips
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
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Emo Philips
"I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes."

Exlpore more Love quotes

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Aberjhani

"Love nature as if it is your own garden of love."

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"Nourish yourself with the water of love to grow flowers of happiness in the garden of your heart."

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Aberjhani

"Live is not about constantly fighting to keep someone in your life. It is about constantly fighting for a better life together."

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"Love has power in it; it can melt any heart, if your love is true and divine."

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Aberjhani

"When you truly love someone, you want to please and honor them by the way you act. How you treat someone shows whether or not you really care about them."

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Aberjhani

"Be brave. Be kind. Be simple. Above all, be crazy with love."

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Aberjhani

"The human race should learn from dogs about the enormous power of love."

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Aberjhani

"Love is the ultimate power. Never forget to use it to win over your enemies."

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Aberjhani

"Be the God or goddess of love and love everyone."

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